Jimbabwe

Pencil and paper. Or a calculator. Obviously. My CPA is a horse. Loves stomping around on his giant TI83.

I’d so watch this

This was my gripe with the write up as well. Like everybody, I’m interested in the least expensive option with similar features to the $130 option. Surely there’s something in the $20-30 range they could’ve studied?

Sure, I’ll take one

Own it!

Haha, I can definitely understand this feeling. It can be difficult to overcome! It doesn’t always “work”, and sometimes you will just stand there awkwardly. The good news is that nobody is going to care or remember. Seriously. You’re basically an NPC to people you don’t know. I’ve been to hundreds of parties in my life and have zero tangible memories of other people’s “awkward proximity”. Nobody cares about you as much as you do, which is slightly sad but majorly liberating.

Since I didn’t see any responses that directly answered the question of what do you DO, I’ve prepared a short guide for a generic social gathering. This guide may be inappropriate in some contexts such as a dinner party or event/tv show watching party, etcetera:

1. Show up

• Not at the exact start time, but at a minimum of 15-20 minutes “late”
• Bringing an unopened bottle of wine or a 6-pack of beer, or another drink of choice is almost always a classy move.
• If you drove, don’t park like an asshole. Consider the neighbors.
• If you’re standing on the doorstep and you can hear music, it’s probably safe to just walk in (make sure you’re at the right place!). Otherwise, knock/ring doorbell.

2. Party!

• Get yourself a drink and/or a plate of food if snacks are out
• Find friends and say hi! You should probably know at least one other person. How else would you have been invited?
• Explore! Hosts expect people in their house so it’s generally okay to look around, admire artwork, investigate the music, go into the backyard, etc. Don’t go anywhere that’s obviously closed off, unlit, or otherwise not a party locale.
• Talk and socialize. Meet new people! Ask your friend(s) to introduce you to their friend(s). Lightly eavesdrop on convos for something interesting you can talk about. Listen in general. Ask people what they like to do. Share stories about yourself! Pro tip: the length of your stories should be proportional to how well you know the person you’re telling it to. Just met the person? Suuuuper short stories. “No way! That reminds me of the time my cat was in the bathroom when she got hit by a car! The vet said she was very lucky to have a good friend!” (Confession: I used autocomplete to write that story)
• Dance!
• Find the host and complement their place, the party, the music, food, whatever. Just be nice. Offer to help if they look at all stressed.
• Play party games like beer pong or whatever.

3. Leave! Say thanks. Take your stuff. Cleanup whatever plates/glasses you’ve used. Don’t drive drunk. Don’t overstay your welcome.

This was probably too much info. I have insomnia. I hope someone reads this.

The answer might be impossible or impractical like a Dyson Sphere.

I got this reference! Thank you, (my) child with terrible taste in movies.

My wine opener (the kind with the two “arms” that swing up and down to drive gears that pull the cork out) is, and forever will be, Mrs. Paddlesworth

I choose my facts carefully and this one is the one.

Alrighty then. I’m on it. Prepare to be mildly amused, lemmy