this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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For example workplace harrasment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored because the victim is male but if it where to happen to a woman by a male the male would be fired

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[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago (5 children)

So one thing I noticed is that women betraying their partner has become extremely normalized

  • Every "ethical non monogamous" relationship I've seen IRL is just a woman pressuring their long term monogamous partner into a situation where she has multiple partners and she's struggling
  • "Monkey Branching", where a woman starts dropping hints at one guy while still seeing another in hopes of making a seamless transition, is pretty accepted. Emotional affairs are only a thing for men apparently
  • While it's always been acceptable to leave a guy if he can't "provide" for you, it's really fucking stupid in the context of modern feminism
  • Women who use OLD are often encouraged to have a "roster" of men, who they form a well beyond casual connection to.
  • There's a large number of 30+ year old women breaking up with their long term partners to "find themselves". I put that in quotations because this usually just involves a ton of casual sex. It's basically the modern day equivalent of a guy leaving his wife for the secretary
  • There are a million different love triangles on TV. They are almost all two guys and a woman who is disrespectful of both. The guys get mad at each other and the women's behavior is not portrayed as toxic.
  • Like 80 percent of holiday movies involve a woman leaving her fiance for a man she just met. This is always seen as romantic, instead of psychotic.

In addition to all that, women are extremely reluctant to criticize other women. This stands even when another woman is behaving in an almost objectively toxic way. I moved post covid. The first year I witnessed a fuckton of toxic behavior, but when I tried to point it out I would get dirty glances from women. The second year there I ended up getting close to other women in those conversations who took it upon themselves to tell me in a smaller setting that they actually agreed with me, but they didn't want to appear unsupportive.

Whatever the intention there, the mentality enabled a subset of women to be shitty and probably convinced a lot of men that such behavior was something most women were okay with.

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 3 months ago

Every single experience you mentioned I cannot relate to at all. It's really weird to read.

[–] TaterTurnipTulip@lemmy.world 19 points 3 months ago (2 children)

It sounds like you haven't seen any healthy ethnically non-monogamous relationships. That's a shame. As a part of one, I've seen several others as well. It can work, if it's done for the right reasons and if all partners respect each other.

[–] SpoopyKing@lemmy.sdf.org 26 points 3 months ago

I know it's a typo but I'm cracking up at

ethnically non-monogamous

You know it's funny. I hear a million different accounts of ethnically monogamous relationships that work, but only on the internet where it's impossible to get the full context.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I almost never meet women like this so maybe it depends on your area. I'd love to be in a woman's roster but they all want monogamous relationships.

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Trust me, you don't. These women will often want the full emotional availability of a romantic partner from you, with a fraction of both the emotional and physical availability of a partner from them. They generally want a monogamous relationship, just from an emotionally unavailable guy who is very physically attractive. Above all else, they will not be honest about your "ranking".

Almost any woman who is halfway sane and willing to use online dating tends to get into a relationship in like three months tops. There's also a decent number of women who are either not looking for a relationship, or would like a relationship but think the apps are super toxic.

However around 10 to 15 percent of the women I meet are very much architects of their own misery. These women are extremely vocal, generally shitty to their potential partners, and can always find more partners due to the nature of OLD. The frustrating part is I haven't met a single woman who calls out this behavior, and a significant amount that actually reassure these people.

My GF insists that most women are just trying to be supportive, and that they don't actually approve of the toxic behavior in question. My conversations with closer female friends backs this up. However in my eyes all this does is enable and normalize said behavior. It is also especially frustrating because I'm 100 percent expected to speak out if another guy does something remotely problematic.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

These women will often want the full emotional availability of a romantic partner from you, with a fraction of both the emotional and physical availability of a partner from them.

That's a whole separate issue from women having a roster of men.

Idk about emotional availability. I just want a fuck buddy. If she can't provide that, she's gone.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's about you being able to enforce your own boundaries, bro

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Okay so what do you suggest I do. Cut out every single female friend in my life? Convince my single male friends, as a man in a relationship, to boycott online dating apps?

The only behavior uncommon enough to actually get away from are ethically non monogamous relationships and straight up cheating. That's 100 percent a red line for me at this point. Everything else is so ubiquitous that I'm basically forced to put up with it if I want to be social.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You just have to worry about being happy in the relationship you're actually in and not project these feelings of disrespectful non-monogamy on to others.

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's completely reasonable not to want to live in a society where infidelity or betrayal is normalized.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You're projecting your own feelings of betrayal onto others. This is a you problem.

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Okay so what instances do you think are not betrayals? The only thing that I can see as subjective is the "roster", and I've had a good amount of single friends express their own feelings of betrayal on that.

Unless you're actually just getting salty on me calling out open relationships, in which case the betrayal is assumed because of the inevitable breakup.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 0 points 3 months ago

Betrayal depends on the boundaries set within each relationship. In open relationships, there's no betrayal if all actions are consensual and agreed upon. It's about honesty and communication. Assuming all open relationships end in breakups ignores the reality that many people are happy in non-monogamous arrangements. Just because it’s not for everyone doesn’t make it wrong or destined to fail.

[–] Gypsyhermit123@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I’m had 2 women tell me they had this and saw one on OLD. Of them the 2 got so fed up of men and their bullshit. Started having activity buddies with benefits. One was my cousin so I knew the back story of her asshole husband. Other was a neighbour of a good friend.

Oh this is another thing. I know some women who are perpetually single despite heavy usage of OLD. I used to have a lot of sympathy, but at this point I've met many women in relationships via OLD, and the entire process took them six weeks. The second category of women weren't "higher value" or whatever, they just had more realistic expectations and were less shallow.

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 5 points 3 months ago

Hi, ethical non monogamous person here. My wife did not pressure me into this. The only other couple I know IRL that does this it was also the husband who prompted it.

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

"women are extremely reluctant to criticize other women"

You should listen to women talk more, they're extremely enthusiastic to talk shit about each other.

I actually do agree with some of your points though, but on that point, I've rarely seen a woman reluctant to talk trash about another woman when given a chance (maybe more in he said/she said situations is what you're referring to).

I'm 30 years old, and even when I was 15 I wasn't really friends with the super mean girl gossip types. Throughout my life, I've been friends with women who largely identify as feminist and sort of reject those stereotypes.

The problem is that post #metoo it became normalized to take the whole "support women" thing to such an extreme that it enabled toxic behavior. While there were women who tried to pull the whole "it's sexist to criticize me for making poor life choices" crap, other women would get super offended for them attempting to use feminism in that way.

It's extremely frustrating that the 19 and 20 year old women I knew in college had better moral compasses than the 25 to 40 year old women I know now. That's really not supposed to be how it works.