this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
194 points (79.9% liked)

Ask Lemmy

27240 readers
2168 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

For example workplace harrasment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored because the victim is male but if it where to happen to a woman by a male the male would be fired

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Trust me, you don't. These women will often want the full emotional availability of a romantic partner from you, with a fraction of both the emotional and physical availability of a partner from them. They generally want a monogamous relationship, just from an emotionally unavailable guy who is very physically attractive. Above all else, they will not be honest about your "ranking".

Almost any woman who is halfway sane and willing to use online dating tends to get into a relationship in like three months tops. There's also a decent number of women who are either not looking for a relationship, or would like a relationship but think the apps are super toxic.

However around 10 to 15 percent of the women I meet are very much architects of their own misery. These women are extremely vocal, generally shitty to their potential partners, and can always find more partners due to the nature of OLD. The frustrating part is I haven't met a single woman who calls out this behavior, and a significant amount that actually reassure these people.

My GF insists that most women are just trying to be supportive, and that they don't actually approve of the toxic behavior in question. My conversations with closer female friends backs this up. However in my eyes all this does is enable and normalize said behavior. It is also especially frustrating because I'm 100 percent expected to speak out if another guy does something remotely problematic.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 6 points 3 months ago

These women will often want the full emotional availability of a romantic partner from you, with a fraction of both the emotional and physical availability of a partner from them.

That's a whole separate issue from women having a roster of men.

Idk about emotional availability. I just want a fuck buddy. If she can't provide that, she's gone.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That's about you being able to enforce your own boundaries, bro

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Okay so what do you suggest I do. Cut out every single female friend in my life? Convince my single male friends, as a man in a relationship, to boycott online dating apps?

The only behavior uncommon enough to actually get away from are ethically non monogamous relationships and straight up cheating. That's 100 percent a red line for me at this point. Everything else is so ubiquitous that I'm basically forced to put up with it if I want to be social.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You just have to worry about being happy in the relationship you're actually in and not project these feelings of disrespectful non-monogamy on to others.

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's completely reasonable not to want to live in a society where infidelity or betrayal is normalized.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You're projecting your own feelings of betrayal onto others. This is a you problem.

[–] hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Okay so what instances do you think are not betrayals? The only thing that I can see as subjective is the "roster", and I've had a good amount of single friends express their own feelings of betrayal on that.

Unless you're actually just getting salty on me calling out open relationships, in which case the betrayal is assumed because of the inevitable breakup.

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 0 points 3 months ago

Betrayal depends on the boundaries set within each relationship. In open relationships, there's no betrayal if all actions are consensual and agreed upon. It's about honesty and communication. Assuming all open relationships end in breakups ignores the reality that many people are happy in non-monogamous arrangements. Just because it’s not for everyone doesn’t make it wrong or destined to fail.