Google did some creative rewriting and killed half the joke. It actually says something like: "If you need mom[,] feed yourself you must. Covering! Thank you!"
The original spanglish also has a spelling and grammar mistake: cubieta -> 'cubierta' (fem. part. form of "cubrirse") which doesn't fit at all here.
My knowledge is a little dated and I remember messing around dyndns or noip to update my IP many years ago. I guess a simple script running on the router or the host should suffice?
I prefer encouraging small communities grow to become as successful as corpo giants. It's not only about Reddit, it's about avoiding single points of failure.
Need to make that with buldak noodles.