(Not a woman): my partner does not like receiving oral sex or other kinds of sex where she is mostly passive/receiving, because she doesn’t like feeling put on the spot and obligated to react.
If your partner has been not getting much from sex for a long time now, then she is also probably feeling a lot of pressure to change and behave right and react as expected which would be not pleasant for her.
Maybe ask her if she wants to play a game where she reads a book out loud (sexy book or bit sexy book) or play a cozy video game or some other activity where you get to enjoy yourself playing with her body for potentially a long time, and she has something else to pay attention to besides her own sexual performance? That would probably also go well with deep toys on low power as well.
Just, maybe avoid Call of Duty for this one. It has to be a lazy activity she’s doing. If her attention is successfully diverted 100% to the point the sex is an irritating distraction then that’s not any fun for anybody
Ok, uhhhh… you are saying here that difficulty understanding the words to music is an autism thing?