Autism

Two of my kids are on the spectrum, didn't get a diagnosis until they were a teenagers. Suddenly, so many things made sense. Over time, and reflection on my own life, I'm pretty sure I'm on that spectrum, too. And a bunch of other things make sense.

I haven't, and likely won't, get a clinical diagnosis. The testing is relatively involved, and regardless of what it would reveal, I don't think there's anything that would change for me in my mid-50s. Maybe you're younger enough that it would be more useful for you.

There are some parts where I don't feel like I match at all. I would say I'm better than most people at reading people's emotions. I am good with social cues and nonverbal communication. I just over think everything afterwards.

Couple of things here. One, "not being able to read other's emotions" is a regulary cited characteristic of ASD, but it's not universal. One of my sons, for example, has incredibly high "emotional intelligence." Usually. Two - and I don't mean this in a snarky or dismissive way - you might believe you're good at reading emotions, while not being as good at it as you think. I don't know you, so that could be way off base, but it's definitely something worth having a think about.

What I have come to learn is that it's okay to be who I am, whether I have an ASD diagnosis or not. It's useful for me to recognize my own characteristics and compare them to common ASD characteristics sometimes, but the more time passes, the less I need to do that.

I am who I am, and that's all that I am, I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.

It's always a good idea to get a diagnose. Even if its a negative diagnosis.

In germany for example you get disability-benefits depending on how severe your Autism is.

It's a spectrum. Talking to an expert can help you figure out on what range of the spectrum you're in and how to better deal with it.

An ex once went off on my for having used oh im on the spectrum as a valid reason for why i act the way i do. They said as long as i believe i am then i would act on my thoughts and idea then find moments where i go yup im autistic.

Well i stopped saying it, or reallt thinking about it and i feel like some of my personality traits i didn't care for got better, or maybe i just dont carry a negative attachment to them anymore.

I personally think of the spectrum as something everyone is obviously on, just at different parts or to more extremes. What worked for me might not work for you.

I had this same debate with myself earlier this year, after speaking with several therapists and a doctor that specializes in autism diagnoses, I decided the time and money to get diagnosed was not worth it.

For me, I considered how I was struggling and whether a therapist could help. I struggle with overstimulation, but a therapist can't do much for that; I addressed it by getting noise cancelling headphones and wearing sunglasses inside. I struggle with burnout, but a therapist can't do much for that; I had a frank discussion with my boss and we agreed to reduce my work hours and I started saying "no" to social events that would be too draining. I stim and hyperfocus but I don't find those problematic. I'm extremely lucky that although I have poor social skills and no friends, I am not lonely and don't feel like I need to make any adjustments to my personality to make friends, this might be one area where a therapist could help.

My point is that, autism is something where you can't treat it overall, you can only treat the "symptoms", so narrow down what is causing you stress and look for solutions. If an autism diagnosis requires meeting a threshold for 6 issues, but you only have 5, that doesn't mean you can't get help for those 5 things. A therapist may be able to help with that and if you want them to see you as autistic, just say you're autistic. I doubt they'll ask for any proof and if they push it just say you were a kid when you got diagnosed and you don't have any paperwork. I'll say that in my experience, the most important aspect of therapy is getting the right modality and this can be tough. It can be difficult to find providers that don't just do CBT and sometimes they aren't very good about discussing what you really need they'll just do whatever they are trained to do. I found it really helpful to go to Psychology Today's website and see all the different modalities that existed, then researching what each of them were and thinking about which may be best for me.

Try not to get hung up on the idea of getting that diagnosis. There's a school of thought that diagnoses are a capitalist construct that aids a doctor in getting paid by giving them a billing code to submit to your insurance company.

If you're condition causes you impairment with how well you function and your overall mood, then it's worth talking to a professional who can help you make changes that would be positive.

I've noticed that autism and ADHD have a lot of overlap but there's also things that make them distinct.

I've encountered a lot of people with autism who aren't remotely shy and can talk with other people fine.

A few thoughts (about my own experiences), maybe it helps...

I feel like taking the steps it needs to get any diagnosis can be very exhausting as these processes usually take time and a lot of energy, so I get that point. I think the most important question to ask yourself is whether you see any benefit getting a diagnosis.

I know several people that are very likely on the spectrum but don't see any value in getting one, so they didn't and are happy about the way it is.

It's also not uncommon to be misdiagnosed or getting a diagnose that doesn't take into account the whole picture. If you feel like there might be "more" and if you also feel the need to understand youself better, however, I'd recomment trying it - but it is up to you in the end.

I've been diagnosed with a bunch of stuff throughout my life and never felt it was "right", until I finally found the time and energy to see a specialist again, after which I was diagnosed as being on the spectrum. Now I consider getting a ADHD diagnose as well, and it often feels like a never ending story where I sometimes believe no matter what, I have it all. It's easy to get lost in symptoms as lines can be blurry.

To me, the main point is probably trying to understand myself better, and how life events relate to each other.

Wasn't too sure about getting a diagnose at first. I also always thought I was good with reading faces and in social situations, but I'm probanly not, just really good in masking to the point I believe it myself. I had an idea of a few autism traits I noticed over the years, which was mainly sensory stuff, so I decided to write down everything that came to mind, reflecting on my life. I took some time reading though it a few times and also read a few books on the topic to help identify more. After a while I thought, yeah let's just do it. Guess I needed some time to consider everything first.

I need to admit that I was able to understand how much autism impacted my life only after I got my diagnosis, and it is an ongoing process, but I'm very thankful I am in this situation now. The process of getting the diagnosis and the time after have been pretty rough, but there have been many positive aspects so far. A few social situations are actually a bit harder than before currently but I assume it will change over time.

I've been pretty open about my diagnosis so far and I've had very good and very bad reactions as I told people about it. I guess there will always be ableist people, and yes, you might also encounter ableism during the process of trying to get a diagnosis, as I have. To me, such negative reactions are a great sign to know which people to avoid in life, sometimes it's easier to have a clear answer to that, even though it can be extremely painful and it usually takes a bit of time to fully understand such situations.

I guess in the end it's about you and not someone else or someone else's opinion about you and the way you feel.

Could also be a personality disorder. Either way, if you have worries about how your behavior may be not be what should be the norm then consulting with a professional would always be a good step. If you feel unhappy with whoever you've been seeing already, you can always try to find someone else.

Many of my doctors are against it, because "what's the point if you already suspect it?" I can't get a diagnosis because I'm so old...

That, and where I live, they refuse to diagnose anyone who doesn't speak the local language...

It's frustrating when you just want closure, but you're denied because a neurotypical thinks it's pointless to someone like me.