Autism

Occupational therapist here. About 80% of people use a tripod (which is considered the “right” way to hold a pencil) or quadropod grasp. A tripod fingertip grasp is technically the “best” because it makes the most efficient use of the musculature of the hand. When you hold a pencil with the tips of your first two fingers opposite the tip of your thumb, this uses the smallest and fewest muscles to control the movement of the pencil. The closer the pencil moves to the base of your fingers, the more and larger muscles you will need to use to move it around, which leads to fatigue and, sometimes, pain with extended writing.

There’s the technical side. Now for the functional reality.

First, 20% of people DON’T use a tripod grasp, and this is not a sign of neurological differences. It’s true there is a correlation between autism and difficulty with motor planning, but one does not equal the other.

Second, since our society does not actually require extensive handwritten text anymore, this skill is just not as vital as it once was. Lots of (especially older) teachers and OT colleagues may disagree with me, but occupational therapists are supposed to focus on a person’s ability to functionally participate in work, play, and self-care, not attempt to make them do things “the right way.”

Third, if your pencil grasp IS causing you pain or excess fatigue because of the demands of your job, school, or hobbies, occupational therapy can help. We do this by teaching a different pencil grasp (which OP has tried) or modifying the task (different types of writing tools/pencil grips, positioning the paper on a slanted surface, typing, or even voice-to-text).

I’m left handed and grew up in a fundamentalist Christian “church” (Cult!!!) so there was just literally no way for me to hold a pen “properly” in the eyes of adults in my life.

Even when I eventually went to public school in the 7th grade I had terrible “chicken scratch” handwriting and honestly wrote better in cursive/script so teachers either made me do that or just type my homework up and print it. Any that watched me write would just shake their heads though lol.

Maybe a quarter of my class held their pencil various "wrong" ways and no one seemed to care beyond "huh, that's original". Same with eating utensils.

I don't think it has much, if anything, to do with autism.

I see loads of people holding pens weird ways I dont think it is a sign of autism.

it's not so much an autism specific thing but it is definitely a "you will behave in this exact way or else" thing. i recall in the 90s being sent to the office, having my parents called and routinely guilted. for using 'the cross thumb' in this image with the paper horizontal while writing. and a few other on here while drawing. then i got out of school and was told there isnt one way to hold a pencil and i may never stop being angry about this.

Here are the two ways I’m familiar with; the first being my preferred way:

Method 1

Method 2

Between my index and middle finger., supported with the tip of my thumb. Picked it up in college when I got hand cramps while taking notes.

My parents spent ages trying to get me to hold a pen the "right" way, pinched near the tip with the thumb, index and middle fingers.

I have a similar (writing skill) story to yours but no diagnoses. I just assumed my hand was the wrong shape and didn't fit the norm that lets you write in the taught and most used form. My hand is too.. .scrunched up.. when using a pen, to many finger tips on the pen itself.

I see some folks around me with autism diagnoses that have extra difficulty with small motor function, and that often includes below-par handwriting. If that kind of stuff has been hard for you too (like having difficulty with cutlery or scissors), it might be part of the same pattern. If not, you might just have been unlucky when they were handing out hands ;-)

Currently trying out new ways myself because the way i am holding it, thumb on the side pointer on the side and laying it on the middle finger, is now more than ever uncomfortable. Especially when i want to draw things

Left handed? Lots of lefties hold the pen upside down. Keeps the ink off their hand.

There was a throwback to how to hold a pen/pencil in the US going back to even forcing left handed people to use their right hand, to disastrous results. There are many ways to perform the function, many with their own pros and cons, but as someone else mentioned it might have simply been a "started doing it 1 way and was resistant to change".

I am curious in what way you hold it which was so different it was seen as needing to be corrected.

I have absolutely no clue what the "normal" way to hold a pen is, but I hold all pens, pencils, whatever, using my thumb, pointer, and middle finger. That's how I've been doing it for basically ever. Absolutely do not recommend that if you are like me; left handed and the other side of your hand rests on page when writing.