My recommendation is either The Grand Budapest Hotel or Moonrise Kingdom. Both by Wes Anderson, and probably his two best films. Excellent director with a very distinct visual style.
mjsaber
I'm thinking about killing myself constantly. I can't imagine I'll ever long for this.
Maybe if I'm dead? But then I won't be longing for anything...
I use the term Atheistic Christian, which essentially means I believe in a lot of the teachings of Jesus, but I don't believe he was any kind of divinity.
To my knowledge, proteins can start to denature at 104F, depending on the protein and other factors like pH. Around 106F, proteins in the brain will start to denature, regardless of other factors.
Also, at a high enough level (104 F), the proteins in your brain start to denature, which leads to death.
Weird, that's also the only thing my Politic Science degree has ever gotten me!
I don't really have any advice or anything, but I hope you can find some reason to keep going. It sucks feeling alone, even more so when you're with other people.
Transitioning fucking sucks. Even if you have good results, it's a mess to deal with, physically and socially, and those difficulties make it mentally taxing as well. Like a lot of social media, we tend to only see the really exceptional cases, and not the reality a lot of us will live with.
I wish I had something to say that could take your pain away, but I don't. At some point, we all have to find a reason to keep going for ourselves. For me, it's my cat. It's nothing, in the grand scheme of things, but I'm all he has, and that's enough to keep me going. At least for today.
Keep reaching out. Keep trying. In the end, that's all we can really do.
My cat is a tabby and does this exact thing with his paw. Feels like love.
Wait until you learn about the Honored Matres.
One of her symbols is an 8-pointed star. I like to wear one as a necklace as a low key way to display my pride and still be safe.
The Amazon series is fan fiction. This is part of the background story Tolkien wrote.
I'm not really interested in either, as they are both soulless capitalist cash grabs, but I think this has the possibility of being a decent (although completely unnecessary) film .
It's very difficult, and in the end, it comes down to finding things that work for you, but in my experience, doing it "on my own" is virtually impossible. Humans need social interaction and often help, especially when battling with mental illness. That being said, there are some things that help most people.
Exercise - you don't need to run a marathon or lift free weights, but any kind of exercise, including walking, can have a big boost on mental health. If you can, working up a sweat can help release more endorphins (and also helps motivate me to take a shower when I'm struggling with hygiene).
Sleep - prioritize getting good sleep. This has a huge effect on your mental health, and lack of sleep makes intrusive thoughts more difficult to ignore. If you suffer from suicidal ideation, this can be very beneficial. It can also help set up a routine for exercise, hygiene, etc. if you have more consistent bed and awake times.
Eating healthy- this is hard, because often when depressed we go for unhealthy foods, which make us feel bad, so we eat more of them and it perpetuates the cycle. If you really struggle with this start by making small changes - find a fruit or vegetable you genuinely enjoy and start incorporating more into your diet. Learning some basic cooking skills can also make healthy eating more enjoyable.
reduce drug and alcohol use (if any) - these can be excellent short term solutions, but will often make you feel worse in the long run
find someone to talk to - online resources help, but there's no substitute for genuine in person (or over the phone) interaction. This can be harder said than done if you're older or in an area where it's hard to meet people. Support groups are also excellent- there's something very empowering about being surrounded by folks experiencing the same challenges you do every day.
practice gratitude- take some time every day to thing of things you are genuinely thankful for. Supposedly, the brain can't think or negative things while you are thinking of positive ones. Even if that's not true, taking time to appreciate the good things in your life (even if it's something small like your morning coffee) can help redirect your thought process.
Lastly, understand you can do all the "right" things to battle depression and still be depressed. No amount of exercise or vegetables will suddenly make you better - you will likely still have bad days. That's why, for me, it's important to have people I know I can call and talk to (my brother being a big one right now). We don't even really talk, I just call him and cry talk for a bit and eventually it doesn't hit so hard.
Give yourself some credit for all the bad days you've been through- if you weren't strong, you wouldn't have made it this far. Good luck! I'm rooting for you!