Every Sean I knew who didn’t spell it “Sean” was a total dickhead, putting it slightly less diplomatically but I’ve been drinking.

First of all, you should do only those things you feel comfortable with. You should state your desires clearly so as to not mislead people, and that might lead to some missed opportunities, but you should lean into that and find it totally acceptable. If you get to feeling a weird vibe from a guy, you should just bail out. Consent is everything.

You’re correct that oral sex is not risk free. Know where your comfort zone is and communicate that. You can also talk to your gay-friendly healthcare provider and see if they have particular advice or if there are any outbreaks of concern in your area.

It’s okay to cuddle on the couch and see where it goes, but again I’d advise being super up front about what you’re looking for. A lot of younger and less experienced guys want to take things slow, and the people you hook up with should respect that. It’s not at all uncommon, but some guys will push or try to test your boundaries. Don’t let yourself get manipulated.

I’d advise considering going on prep if you’re having sex, just because sometimes things get out of hand (so to speak), and you don’t want to have those regretful worries. Again, a gay-friendly healthcare provider can give you more specific guidance and set your expectations. Of course, you have to realize that it’s only about HIV, and there’s a ton of other STDs to think about. It’s a good idea to get screened for STDs regularly if you’re sexually active unless you’re in a strictly monogamous relationship.

It’s also a good idea to just get friends and a social network in the community. At some point, everyone will have had sex with everyone else, and things are a lot more comfortable when you’re all part of the same social circles. You can still hook up with strangers, but having your go-to people can really help.

I have decided to go with “hair vignette.”

Not to deflect the conversation, but is there a name for that circle-hair-beard thing? “Tragic” isn’t specific enough, and so have to think there’s a name for it. I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen it in memes.

Okay, this post is only an hour old but it already has a ton of replies. I reallly hope you see this, though. I’m going to GBF you for just a couple of minutes.

First of all - girl, seriously? 40 year olds go out all the time for drinks. You should try going out with friends so you can keep an eye on each other, but every bar go to is filled with people our age. I’m ten years older than you, and I in no way feel like an old man in a bar. If you have a next day recovery concern, just limit yourself, or go on the weekends. Just make sure you’re taking an Uber and if you’re doing solo yolo let a friend know where you’re going and let them track your phone or something.

Second, apps can be toxic but they can also be gamed. You’re looking for a silver fox type, maybe with a bit of a dad bod is my guess. Put out for some headshots or other pro photos. There’s even a lot of amateur photographers who you might be able to find on insta who would be happy to do a quick session for a modest amount of money. Do yourself a favor and get a serious makeover and some new outfits first, because it will make you feel like your best self.

Third, it’s okay to just be looking to get dicked down even while looking for something serious. Don’t hang everything on finding your next life partner if you really are just craving physical affection.

There are tons of 40+ men who are single due to similar circumstances to yours. They’re at bars, and they go to concerts at local venues. They’re probably not going to be at the clubs the 20-something’s go to, but they have their own territories.

It really sounds like you have to see yourself as your best self, and up your game with that confidence.

TFW you get a Grindr notification and he’s within three feet of you.

This is seriously the most adorable cat I have ever seen!

Just curious because I’m only half-remembering how it’s determined - Would a clone of the kitten have the same colorations?

I’d feel like you could get better advice if you give more details, and maybe ask about LGBT friendly cities in some of the LGBT communities.

ABQ isn’t bad, but it’s not homeless friendly, and it gets cold in the winter. You could live outside of Albuquerque in the east mountains for relatively cheap but would need a vehicle to get into town.

But seriously, there’s more going on there that I think you might be able to use advice on.

It really seems like you might have bigger issues than deciding between Albuquerque and Columbus. I can tell you about ABQ, but maybe you can give some more details about what’s pushing you to move, and why you’d look at those two cities in particular.

This isn’t the kind of thing you forget like missing a birthday. It’s a major directive from one institution to another, and it’s entirely possible it’s just being slow walked. These are all handled by working groups who may not be motivated to get it done.

I’m not sure if the situation might change if Trump gets re-elected.

What is the alternative? Do they stay with foster families?

I’m just curious. I know nothing about adoption in the US much less Israel. I have to think there’d be some kind of principle of least harm and some evidence-based policies.

I mean, sure, it may be a hard sale to close, but it’s quite the get if we can recruit that guy.