“I’m not a windmill person,” he said at one point.

“I have a castle,” he said at another.

Of his golf course in Aberdeen, Scotland, he testified: “At some point, maybe in my very old age, I’ll go there and do the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Aberdeen is the oil capital of Europe, very rich,” Trump began to say, but he was interrupted by the judge shouting, “Irrelevant!” Trump murmured, “It is.”

Hours into his testimony, Trump attempted to read from a piece of paper he retrieved from his pocket. “I’d love to read this, your honor, if I could. Am I allowed to do that?” Trump asked. The judge said no.

On his way out of court, Kise further applauded Trump’s performance, telling reporters: “In 33 years, I’ve never had a witness testify better.”

This would be a blockbuster comedy if it wasn't real

[–] Bananigans@lemmy.ml 100 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The way reality keeps pirating the onion's articles, it's a wonder they're still in business.

[–] decisivelyhoodnoises@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

Of course they are still in business. Otherwise where would reality get ideas from?

[–] MedicatedMaybe@lemmy.world 50 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's sad in 33 years of pratice the best testimony he has ever gotten from a client is just random rambaling.

[–] EmpathicVagrant@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago

It’s nothing but yes-man speak. Remember that’s the only kind of person he surrounds himself with.

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

Oh, that was the defense lawyer? I assumed that was the plaintiff.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago

And he's got a cult.

Amerikkka is fucked.

[–] Knusper@feddit.de 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hours into his testimony, Trump attempted to read from a piece of paper he retrieved from his pocket. “I’d love to read this, your honor, if I could. Am I allowed to do that?” Trump asked. The judge said no.

Now I'm just imagining him reading a chapter of Shakespeare or something, like he thought he was in literature club.

Not that I could imagine Trump visiting a literature club, but I can imagine him thinking it.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I am so curious what he paper was. I like to think it was a haiku he wrote

[–] statist43@feddit.de 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A haiku he wrote l, and then turned into an irrelevant essay about some golfclubs and pussygrabbing.

Sry Im not american and dont know what shit he talks about.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Haha dw, that was spot on!

[–] maeries@feddit.de 19 points 1 year ago

I didn't know testifying was a competition or smth

[–] BaronDoggystyleVonWoof@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Everything he does feels like a comedy sketch but it's real life and I hate it.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 89 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Oh god.

During his testimony, he often sat with his shoulders slumped and his hands clasped between his legs. On occasion, he crossed his arms over his chest and looked down his nose.

Like a toddler being called on his misbehavior.

Trump testified that he believed he was worth more than his financial statements reflected, concluding: “Therefore, you have no case.”

"I said it so it's TRUUUUUU!" What is this shit? "It's fake and gay and so are you!"

“I have a castle,” he said at another.

And I have a racecar bed. Jesus fucking Christ.

“I am being forced to take the witness stand tomorrow in a SHAM trial...

He never had to take the stand in the first place. He didn't even have to be in the courtroom.

[–] torknorggren@lemm.ee 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He never had to take the stand in the first >place. He didn't even have to be in the courtroom.

I thought he did have to take the stand, but didn't have to be there for the rest of the trial. AFAIK he's compelled to testify (or take the fifth, but he and the kids have to do one or the other).

[–] No_Ones_Slick_Like_Gaston@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

fake and gay.

LOL, Moot said it right

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 54 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm sure he meant that "it is" the oil capital of Europe; but I choose to believe that he was agreeing with the judge that it is irrelevant.

[–] ryathal@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago

Why not both.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 37 points 1 year ago

Wow. This is true.

[–] fossilesque@mander.xyz 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is Aberdeen still fucked for housing like it was a decade ago? I had a miserable time trying to rent when I lived there because the offshore folk went at the market like vultures.

[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I was at uni there for 4 years and it was extremely expensive to rent. It was getting close to St Andrews at one point. I left in 2015.

Friends who stayed after the oil crash in 2016 ended up getting phone calls from their landlords asking them if they can reduce the amount of rent they need to pay in exchange to stay for an extra year.

[–] fossilesque@mander.xyz 2 points 1 year ago

Haha, that was right after I left! Damnit!

[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I would imagine a Norwegian city is bestowed that dubious honour?