“I’m not a windmill person,” he said at one point.

“I have a castle,” he said at another.

Of his golf course in Aberdeen, Scotland, he testified: “At some point, maybe in my very old age, I’ll go there and do the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. Aberdeen is the oil capital of Europe, very rich,” Trump began to say, but he was interrupted by the judge shouting, “Irrelevant!” Trump murmured, “It is.”

Hours into his testimony, Trump attempted to read from a piece of paper he retrieved from his pocket. “I’d love to read this, your honor, if I could. Am I allowed to do that?” Trump asked. The judge said no.

On his way out of court, Kise further applauded Trump’s performance, telling reporters: “In 33 years, I’ve never had a witness testify better.”

This would be a blockbuster comedy if it wasn't real

[–] Bananigans@lemmy.ml 100 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The way reality keeps pirating the onion's articles, it's a wonder they're still in business.

[–] decisivelyhoodnoises@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

Of course they are still in business. Otherwise where would reality get ideas from?

[–] MedicatedMaybe@lemmy.world 50 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's sad in 33 years of pratice the best testimony he has ever gotten from a client is just random rambaling.

[–] EmpathicVagrant@lemmy.world 26 points 1 year ago

It’s nothing but yes-man speak. Remember that’s the only kind of person he surrounds himself with.

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

Oh, that was the defense lawyer? I assumed that was the plaintiff.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago

And he's got a cult.

Amerikkka is fucked.

[–] Knusper@feddit.de 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hours into his testimony, Trump attempted to read from a piece of paper he retrieved from his pocket. “I’d love to read this, your honor, if I could. Am I allowed to do that?” Trump asked. The judge said no.

Now I'm just imagining him reading a chapter of Shakespeare or something, like he thought he was in literature club.

Not that I could imagine Trump visiting a literature club, but I can imagine him thinking it.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I am so curious what he paper was. I like to think it was a haiku he wrote

[–] statist43@feddit.de 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A haiku he wrote l, and then turned into an irrelevant essay about some golfclubs and pussygrabbing.

Sry Im not american and dont know what shit he talks about.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Haha dw, that was spot on!

[–] maeries@feddit.de 19 points 1 year ago

I didn't know testifying was a competition or smth

[–] BaronDoggystyleVonWoof@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Everything he does feels like a comedy sketch but it's real life and I hate it.