This could be so much longer.
Killing children, class systems, so many programming language names, the ridiculous ways equality and order-of-operations are done sometimes. Plenty of recursion jokes to be made. Big O notation. Any other ideas?
this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2023
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Programmer Humor
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GOTO
GOTO is the only thing that makes sense. It's the "high-level" concepts like for-loops, functions and list comprehension that ruined programming.
series.append(series[k-1]+series[k-2]) for k in range(2,5)]
RAVINGS DREAMT UP BY THE UTTERLY DERANGED
I started coding with TurboBasic, which included the helpful innovation of GOTO {label} instead of GOTO {line number}, which allowed you to have marginally-better-looking code like:
GOTO bob
...
bob:
{do some useless shit}
return
which meant you essentially had actual, normal methods and you didn't have to put line numbers in front of everything. The problem was that labels (like variables) could be as long as you wanted them to be, but the compiler only looked at the first two letters. Great fun debugging that sort of nonsense.
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if goto make sense why don't you go to get some bitches
Because "get some bitches" is an invalid instruction
Big Orgasm notation
A monad is just a monoid in the category of endofunctors.
Masters and slaves
Cloning
Deploying code (that's what you do with soldiers!!!1)
Using Git to rewrite history.
Atomic values (like the bomb!)
These people are madmen.
One of the slave node's child process failed, so the master node sent a signal to terminate the child and restart the slave
There's pretty solid reason my research group is pushing to use "head node and executor nodes" nomenclature rather than the old-school "master node and slave nodes" nomenclature, haha
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while (true) { print(money) }
isn't that just crypto mining?
Three years ago, yes. Now? not so much.
i mine monero while idle and it prints a massive 0.03GBP a day :)
Serious question, wouldn't it be cheaper to buy it?
Yes
given i have solar panels, it's technically free money.
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JavaScript will actually open the print dialog.
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I actually have that teapot and I use it several times a week.
Beautiful teapot dude!
Thanks! In computer graphics it's referred to as the "Utah teapot" because the 3D model was created at the University of Utah. But it was originally a Melitta brand teapot. It is still manufactured by German company Friesland, which I bought it from.
Unfortunately it appears they recently had a fire and their webshop is temporarily closed, but I think you can also get it off of Amazon.
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Cat is a fluffy animal, not for reading shit
Writing 'echo' cannot do anything. Everyone knows echo works with sound only.
Cat is a fluffy animal, and for shreading shit
Enough people have thought of while (true){ print(money); } for manufacturers to have built stuff into printers to prevent that, alas.
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Can someone explain this joke to me
"I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%"
I understand everything apart from the "in a 0.02%". What does that mean? How can something be in a percentage?
It's a nonsensical statement to us programmers too.
I think they meant « by ».
It's a double joke. For programmers, it's pretty useless unless your in high performance computing.
If you're on the nitty gritty OS or CPU itself, 0.02% optimization can mean significant improvememt of different things but because it is otherwise unitless, it is equally useless to the reader.
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Socrates said books were dumbing down humanity because, since people could just look things up in books they wouldn’t have to memorise information anymore, and that made their brains soft.
Ever since society began, some people have been convinced the next generation’s technology was going to be society’s downfall, whether it was Socrates’ books, the telegraph in the 1800s, radio, the (land line) telephone, dishwashers (women will become lazy and unsuitable wives and mothers), screened windows (society will collapse because you won’t hear your neighbours and pedestrians on the street, we’ll all become hermits and die holed up in our homes), comic books would rot the brains of the youth, then music, then video games… it goes on and on.
So far, those predictions have never been true. Every older generation freaks out when the ones after come of age. It’s like societal growing pains.
I think this is one step further, that technology has become so abstract and complex that people who focus on different crafts and careers are using magical black boxes. It blows my mind how my neighbour goes through life without any concept of what a phone app is. He just uses functionality and memorized the associated logo. I'm an engineering wizard to him.
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Some technologies actually have had unintended side effects, but not always the ones we saw coming. Artificial lights are killing all the insects which nobody really worried about and cars do kill tons of people, which we worried about in the 1920s. I don't know what the deal was with leaded gasoline, that one was just bizarre.
All in all, it's just really hard to anticipate how society and technology will interact. We think about the environment now but I don't know if any systematic progress has been made on predicting the human factor.
screened windows (society will collapse because you won’t hear your neighbours and pedestrians on the street, we’ll all become hermits and die holed up in our homes)
This one has actually come true to a certain measurable degree (see Bowling Alone, written at what is now the midpoint of the trend), but I don't think it's down to window screens.
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Increasing the CPU optimization by 0.02% does seem crazy to me. If you're going to spend time working on something, make it worthwhile. Also, isn't while(true) {print(money)} Microsoft, Apple and Amazon:s business model?
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I bet ATMs would have a while true print money function
while{true}{print "money"};
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Math professorss be like:
I always wonder what the original post was. Something like "Stop doing science!" or some shit but seriously rather than sarcastically.
Ah ha! Thanks, I thought this spawned on some conspiracy facebook group
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