Home to all things "Mildly Infuriating" Not infuriating, not enraging. Mildly Infuriating. All posts should reflect that.
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Lucky for me my parents were both "I didn't save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I'm older", so I don't have to suffer through this.
Somehow, I grew up in the one neighborhood in the city that hasn't had a spike in value in the last couple of decades. My mom refuses to move out to a retirement community (at this point she would need assisted living). She likes to talk about improving the property and what color she should paint the upstairs. Watches flipper shows all day.
I don't have the heart to tell her that I have no interest in inheriting the property and that it will be a huge burden to liquidate all of the 'antiques' she has gathered over the last 80 years that now stink of cat piss and many colors of mold.
She's always been there for me in my darkest hours, though, and so has that shit mid century ranch.
I'll still let her win at Wheel of Fortune, as long as she can remember my name.
My dad just died destitute and my mother will probably have nothing when she passes. I’m ok with that, I am my own person. People complaining about losing out on inheritance are fucking spoiled brats. “ you spent the money you worked for? Boo hoo hoo, I wanted your money though “
I was sitting in the room while my friend's dad was having a argument with his horrible dad. The horrible dad threatened to write him out of his will, and my friend's dad respond, "Why do you think I'd want 1/6th of fuck all anyway?"
I wouldn't be so blunt with my mother about things, but every time she talks about inheritance I encourage her to just spend the money on herself. Anything will be spilt between 7 kids overall (3 hers, 4 my late step dad). She is holding on to an expensive ring because my very well off, money hungry sister, has basically demanded it, so I'm working behind the scenes to try get her to sell it so she can invest in making her last few years that much easier.
I was sexually/otherwise abused by my mother for most of my life. When I brought it up to family, I was basically told to shut up about it/“go to therapy.” They spent thousands torturing me in troubled teen facilities, and provided me with nothing for college (which I paid for with multiple jobs and sex work.)
I will never own a house. I spent almost two years after my divorce to just be able to afford an apartment. My family has never valued me - I will not give them the comfort they denied when it is the end. My entire life has been a hell.
No one should expect to inherit anything when their loved ones die.
The worst people are those that are too lazy to build something on their own, but sit around praying for their parents death so they can inherited and live an easy life.
My aunt talked her mom out of kitchen remodel because it's going to cost so much (that she'll get smaller ineritance then) while my grandmom, who already spends most of her time alone at home then can't even spend her savings to make her surroundings a bit nicer.
Lucky for me my parents were both "I didn't save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I'm older"
man I feel that. It's like raising a teenager.
"don't do that, it'll infect your PC."
"don't buy from there your card info will be stolen."
"no, Biden isn't going to round us up into camps."
"now we have to call and get you a new debit card."
"please don't buy so much junk food....why? because you have diabetes."
please don’t buy so much junk food…why? because you have diabetes
This one hit too close to home. My mum has diabetes, dad is close to it, I can't get them to stop eating sweets
There’s an odd mentality that you just need to dose more insulin, no big deal, when eating poorly with diabetes. Understanding is sometimes the problem.
Here’s a better way to think about it in terms of body damage over time.
Think of sugar as fuel, because it is. When you have diabetes you lack the capacity to regulate the concentration and intensity of that fuel once you ingest it. You can add other things to the mix that can and will help (insulin and various oral agents) but the efficiency and immediacy of the inherent system simply isn’t there when you have diabetes.
Think of excess sugar in the blood as a caustic fuel that slowly (speed varies by individual as well as food consumed) burns out the vasculature (blood vessels) over time.
This burn out due to excess fuel is why nerves in the feet die. Neuropathy is the official name for the numbness and tingling in toes and feet that diabetics generally, eventually, experience. The burnout is also why toe tissue dies and toes need to be amputated, along with a foot or even an entire lower leg with knee, depending. Eye tissue is another location hit particularly hard by this burn out effect from sugars.
So there’s impact over time based on how much caustic sugar fuel you pour into your own bloodstream.
Also, sugar is addictive. Like meth or heroin, people struggle with letting it go.
millennials may miss out
Love how that title makes it sound millennials are somehow to blame
I don't see that. To me it reads as guilt tripping the parents for wanting to spend the money they themselves earned.
Indeed, OP is a stupid take. For all the shit boomers pulled off with this planet, spending their own money is a good thing.
How? "Missing out" means you're the one who is negatively impacted. It also says and Gen Z. Not sure how that could be interpreted otherwise.
You'd be completely wrong. In my case.
I never really considered an inheritance an option. Seems so off-worldly to me, even though I am by no means from a poor family, just lower middle class.
I think the entire concept of inheritance is something more prominent in developing countries like US or India, where there isn’t a well-established safety nets already in place by the government itself.
Of course we have inheritances too, I know a few who got something, but most of it gets taxed away upon receiving or vanishes covering the deceased’s debts, so I’ve never heard anyone I know get anything other than maybe a weekend vacation in the city next over or maybe a small chunk of student debt away.
Then again I’m not very well-off, and I do know there are the upper class families that have a long standing generational wealth passing over to the new generations. I guess it really depends on the circles one’s in.
But I still think it’s not as common here, at least I’ve never considered it to be normal, and I’ve known well people from upper middle class too.
Many people inherit a house or a flat
So I had a relative who passed, but saw it coming and tried to make some moves to make sure his only son was set up to take care of his wife, because his wife had never really had to "be an adult" and went her entire life without handling any bills or finances or anything. So when he passed at least his middle aged son would be there to handle things including their house.
So he died and sure enough, she couldn't handle independent living. So they decided to sell the house and she'd move in with another relative. So the rest of us are thinking "oh good, at least they cashed out in this crazy high real estate market to have a bit of a cushion".
However, no one thought about how little the middle aged son had to worry about things like housing and stuff. He never had to buy or rent a house, he had a hand me down trailer parked on a relatives land. He always had a used car gifted to him by and other relative getting rid of it. So he had no idea what he was doing either, thought a seller's agent was a scam to take their money, and they ended up selling the whole house and land for about $50k before any one else had any idea that they were even thinking of selling.
As well liked as he is, so much frustration when everyone has to take on a burden to help them and they make such a huge mistake that could have made things so much easier.
Interesting to have a relatively large family to see all the scenarios play out. Also have a relative that is spending all his money and is mortgaged to his eyes, and another relative who lived like a pauper who turned out to have a couple million in liquidity in her 80s because she wanted her kid to be surprised when they got hit with a big inheritance.
Unless they’re the sole recipient of a will (doesn’t seem very common), at least here those are almost always liquified and proceeds split according to the will. Doesn’t amount to much usually, though it might be different in countries that have very large and expensive cities.
When my grandparents passed away they left my boomer mother a fully paid off duplex...
Which she immediately reverse mortgaged to fund her retirement because she has nothing.
A house my grandmother designed, and great grandmother financed and built, where 4 generations of my family lived and literally died, will be pissed into the wind when my mother dies.
My dad - who was an amazingly racist conspiracy theorist - gave all his money to 2 redhead women he started fucking after divorcing the woman he married after my mom died.
He chose not to leave me anything because I called him out for using the "n" word any time he talked about African Americans.
I'm out $150k
He is out having a legacy. My kids will never know his name, story, or hate.
Congratulations on being a decent person even though your role model was not. It's hard to break that cycle.
Well, at least he fathered a decent kid, it seems. I don't think it was his intention for you to turn out so decent, so I wouldn't give him credit for that, but I guess he did something right despite all his efforts.
He didn't, though.
Foster Care, then they adopted me.
No, some people just raise up to the task.
I hate this idea that parents "did something good" if they are pieces of shit but their kids turn out good. Especially if there is no evidence of it. Why people feel the need to do that is a mystery for me, like protecting the bad guy at any cost.
Oh no, I'm not saying he did good. I'm saying he failed to do bad.
Sorry you got caught in the crossfire, but you did say, out of the blue:
I guess he did something right...
Damn, I wish my parents had an inheritance to waste.
How dare they raise you and then spend their own money?!
I want my parents to enjoy the money they worked their entire life for. I believe work is meant to live, and not the contrary where you live to work. I would 10000x rather my parents enjoy the effort they put for their money instead of dying of exhaustion without being able to use their money
Posting this as infuriating seems grossly entitled. Many of us in these younger generations won't have excess to give to the next generation, why should we feel that is owed to us?
My grandpa wants to go to space in his lifetime, but doesn't want to spend everything he's been saving for my us. I'm like...dude. You worked your ass off all this time. Go to fucking space. I think it'd be badass.
What's infuriating about this? Why the heck should I inherit something I haven't worked for? I've always told my parents and grandparents that dying with an empty bank balance is the ideal way to go. Hell, preferably be in debt.
Inheritance is a stepping stone to get out of poverty over generations. If the next generation can build upon it.
I feel like inheritance is more something that keeps the rich rich and not something that makes the poor not poor. In a sense, other people inheriting things is (a part of) what keeps poor families poor.
Inheritance from who? Your poor parents?
There's nothing wrong with wanting to pass the product of your entire life to your offspring, surely. We can't be so atomised. Where do you think it should go? Inheriting an empire is one thing, but why shouldn't you be able to give your own house to your child? I say this as somebody disowned by their father.
My criticism isn’t aimed at parents who want to leave an inheritance to their kids. It’s directed at those kids who expect it from their parents, as if they’re somehow entitled to it.
It comes from a time where your whole family lived in the same house and the kids eventually take care of their parents. In todays system where people usually dont live with their parents for very long, it doesnt really make sense anymore. People need money long before they get to the age where their parents die. Getting a bunch of money at 30, to establish a life/family, is much more useful and long term impactful than getting it at 50-60. So inheritance is a flawed idea from the start.
I don't think what's talked about enough is kids having the talk with their parents about not being able to take care of them when they get old because you can't afford to take of yourself and didn't save anything for retirement. So you hope SSN will be enough for them. I know my mother always asked me if I would take care of her when she got old.
She would say that's why she had kids. But I had to sit her down and run the math and I said it's not about if I have the will or not it's is it possible and the math just doesn't workout and I have an okay job. I can only imagine what people lower down on the ladder are going through.
There are a lot of boomers that about to get a horrible wake up call and a lot of heartbreak watching our parents suffer at hands of their own making.
They will be drowning and some kids are going to jump in and get pulled under when trying to rescue them and the ones who know they don't have to proper equipment. Stay out of the water and mourn the loss.
I'm sure there is more to it but telling you she had kids so you can take care of her sounds pretty bad - even though I know it's not uncommon.
I have had to have this talk with my parents as well since I moved to a different country at 19. I've told them to prepare for me not to be able to be around all the time, and luckily they have done that. It still feels selfish after so many years and they have been great about it, so I can understand this conversation being extremely difficult when the parents expect to be taken care of.
My boomer dad: you probably won't get anything because I'm paying [i.e. using my retirement] to take care of my [100 year old] mother
Me: that's understandable