Seriously, you should also buy lube.
this post was submitted on 22 Nov 2024
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I usually throw some condoms in my cart to make the ski mask, duct tape and shovel seem less embarrassing
I um, let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, couple of those panty shields, and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. Eh, make it two.
Go to a line with your preferred sex and give em a wink
I once bought a dog collar and leash, a pack of darts, and a child’s car seat at the same time. The Target cashier looked at me hard before I put it together, then we both cracked up.
I don't get it. A baby is going to throw darts at a tied-up dog?
Nah, leashed up baby as darts practice. The car seat is just to ensure the dartboard gets there safely.
The free market wants what it wants I guess.
Buy a can of Pringles and a sponge to make it less awkward. The cashier will assume that you're going to have a nice time with someone, have a shower afterwards and then eat some chips.
I dont think Pringles can legally be called chips
Crisps.
Went to the pharmacy to get a box of condoms and they asked if I wanted a bag. I said "no thanks, I'll just turn out the lights."
Take my wife, please!
For here or to go?
Genius
We gotta have a dogelore
There's one called dogeposting, but it's not very active.
I used to try to make it as awkward as possible. Condoms, lube, a bottle of wine, and whatever phallic fruit I could find.
- Condoms
- Lube
- Wine
- Metal coat hangers
- Duct tape
- Bandaids
- Turkey baster
- Teen Magazine
You have to follow up any looks or double takes with something exra.
"Oh don't worry. That's for after." wiggles eyebrows
First time I bought condoms, I also bought goldfish crackers.
I'd also be weirded if the condoms were in the eggs isle
I think that was a potential "something else" aisle.
Cashier over the store PA system: ..... ummmm .... price check .... price check ...... umm... yeah ... in condoms ... ribbed .... cherry flavor ... costumer says they were on sale .... price check
Cashier trying to scan box of condoms: .... beep ... boop ... beep .. boop ... [over PA system again] ... ummm ... supervisor ... can I get a supervisor
meanwhile line of people is getting longer behind you
You: ... hey just forget it ... I don't need the condoms .... I'll just pay for the lube and shovel
Cashier: ... it's already scanned as cheddar cheese and I need to clear it ... I need a manager to do that
Line is getting longer behind you and people are mumbling and grumbling
Cashier: .... supervisor ... um ... yeah ... supervisor ... check out #4 ... price correction for condoms please .... supervisor
Supervisor who is younger than the cashier arrives: .... what is it Richard? did you mommy bring the wrong coupons again? ...
Richard the cashier: .... that was just the one time and it was only for 50 cents off dog food ... and besides that was two years ago before they demoted you from store manager ...
Line of people shifts to new cashier that just opened next to Richard ... people are grumbling and saying things ..
Supervisor: .... OK ... What is it? ...
Richard: ... yeah this guy was buying this stuff and condoms and it came out as cheddar cheese for $14.99 and I need to clear it but it won't let me
You: ... hey, I'm in a hurry here and I really don't need the condoms, just forget it OK?
Thank you for taking your time to write this, I appreciate it.
Hot take: If you're immature enough to be embarrassed buying condoms, you shouldn't be having sex.
Seriously, the checkout assistant couldn't give two shits about you, you're just another face they'll forget the second you walk out the door and that's if they have their brain switched on while working what is a very repetitive and mind numbing job.
It’s not about maturity.
Society has this bad habit of conditioning people for or against certain ideologies, and sex and contraception are two hot button topics that could easily make a timid person even more intimidated. There is also the gossip factor in case the person is going to a store with people they know working or shopping there, and are concerned about “word getting around” about them being promiscuous.
We all gotta start somewhere. No need to shame people for something many experience.
Such Weird. Much Awkward.
Don't you just hate it when the cashier thinks you're getting ready to board Mr. Bones' Wild Ride?