Asklemmy

They only advice I can give you is there is no trick or fix. You are going to fail and that is okay. You have to think of it like a muscle. You don't start with 600 lbs weights. You start at like a 6 lbs weights and work your muscles up.

Building focus is the same way create very small goals maybe it's write one paragraph of your resume then stop. You built up your motivation muscle just a little bit.Then when that becomes a habit add more goals and maybe bigger goals as you go along.

The biggest issue I find is people make goals around results and sometimes those results are not in your control. So people think they failed their goal and got discouraged but framing your goals about what you are doing keeps you going. As you celebrate the accomplishment of the journey of doing not achieving as that is just a byproduct of what you are doing.

Perhaps it's not procrastinating, but instead it's executive dysfunction. Or not but from someone who has really bad executive dysfunction, that kinda sounds like it.

Perhaps talk to your therapist about that, and perhaps some research as lots of times people with executive dysfunction think it's just procrastination which are two separate things.

I'm sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I'll give my perspective anyway.

Why do you care about getting "back in your industry/career"? Yeah you did it previously, but is it really what makes you happy?

When you have goals, you always think "once I reach this, everything will be better". In my experience and with everyone I ever talked with, this was never the lasting case. Reaching some nice goal gave satisfaction for days or sometimes even weeks or months, but never longer. Then it was back to dissatisfaction and another goal.

The common path frequently described out of depression is getting back into the groove of setting goals, following them, not being satisfied, setting another goal, repeat. This is not how I got out of my depression and also not a good life.

I don't think it's important that you reach your goal of getting back in your industry or whatever. I think it's important that you're fine with not reaching it. I think it's important to recognize that you can be happy and satisfied right where you are, exactly with what you have.

Don't sabotage Slef. He's a good dude, who's had a hard life.

In all seriousness, though, I'd love an answer to this as well. It's hard once you find yourself in a cycle of procrastination. You get used to allowing yourself to put things off, and it makes it harder to get back into the habit of doing them right when you should.

A few things that help me:

Do it right now. Remember that you left that important thing in the car? Haul your ass out there and get it now, because it gets trampled under foot and lost. Eat a bowl of cereal? Wash the bowl now, not later. Later doesn't ever get here. There's always more later when you think later is going to be.

Meditation. Try it. If nothing else, you get a nice little break from whatever your normal routine is, which in itself can help you shake things up. 5 minutes of deep breathing and focus can do wonders. I'm not great at meditating, and sometimes I wonder if I'm even actually doing it, but 5 minutes of breathing is better than not doing 5 minutes of breathing.

Set really small goals. Like, ridiculously sillily small goals. Goals you'd set for a small child. It will feel silly, and childish, and you maybe will feel embarrassed about it, but "I will brush my teeth" or "I will clean that dish" or "I will wash my face"

They're things you're going to do anyway, but turning them into a goal gives you a sense of accomplishment, and allows you to get into a habit of completing goals. Gradually increase the goals, and gamify life. It makes you feel accomplished, gives you a sense of progression, and helps to set a pattern you can use going forward.

I hope these things help, or that you find something that does.

one must be careful not to sabotage the slef. it will become very angry

Separate your main goals into a list of more manageable tasks, arrange them by orders/priorities/delendencies and try to set a reasonable due date on the first tasks, but don't push yourself too hard or you'll get discouraged. It's also okay to have some downtimes.

Is it possible you burnt out at your old job? That takes years to recover from properly and takes a lot of radical self acceptance and being okay with rest

This is depression. Right now, it is no one's job to worry about your effectiveness in performance and absolutely not to pass judgement on yourself for those considerations. It is your job to work with your therapist, heal, and self empathize. Try to remember that depression is not something you have but something you lack. Depression usually presents as a lack of motivation. So, focus on you and fuck anyone EVERYONE who says otherwise. If it needs to then productivity will come. And if not, who cares?! You do you cuz!

dont ask me man im fucked

I’ve even considered finding a life coach, but I get the feeling they’re a scam.

Yes, I agree.

But it sounds like you're experiencing depression. I've been through a lot of that. Consider seeing a psychiatrist and getting on an antidepressant. I was in denial about my state for months (because admitting it would make it real) and finally got back on an antidepressant after years without. The change was so profound that I wish I'd done so sooner to spare myself the suffering. I wish you the best!

Sounds like you're still working through depression to me. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal and work through things, I'm glad you've found a therapist that's a great step. Do you think you want to go back to the industry or could you be avoiding it subconsciously? Something that has helped me a lot is journaling, you can wipe down your goals and break them down into smaller goals if needed.

yeah life coaches are unregulated and therefore extremely likely to be a scam or some earnest wanker who will make you worse with bad advice like manifesting, bootstraps mentality, or other impossible bullshit.

This will sound dumb, but I'm saying it sincerely.

I've had similar issues (without getting into details), but what worked for me was getting outside a couple times a week. By that I mean bringing a tent or hammock + tarp and sleeping outside a couple nights a week on workdays.

To be specific: I sleep outside Monday-Tuesday and Wednesday-Thursday. On those days I also make my dinner at my campsite. What I've found is that my brain goes into a much more "primal" state of "monke outside in cold, monke get shit done", and that it propagates into my day and week.

The barrier to this is of course actually going outside, but I've been able to get to a place where I have a "deal with myself" about those two nights a week. I always have my pack ready, so it's just about grabbing it and heading out- I think that's key.

I'm not saying this is a solution for everyone, but it's done wonders for me. As of now, I get restless and feel bad if I'm in a situation where I can't get outside at least once a week. It brings me a peace of mind and will to get stuff done that nothing else can.

What do you give a shit about?

Sometimes finding anything to care about when you are depressed, but if/when you find something you care about beyond feeling better, you should really think about why, and if it's healthy, lean into it.

Some people care about creating, some about building, some discover, service to others, analysis, working with their hands, being in nature. What do you gravitate towards? Some people go down a path they don't care about, because of external pressures, or comfort, or just trying to get by.

If you don't care to advance the career you are in, maybe it's time to think about why.

I trust that if you know yourself enough to admit in words on the internet that you aren't helping yourself, you are damn self aware enough to think about these things. Don't worry about the stress of changing careers or losing progress or what other people think. Just figure out what you might care about, which paths you could see yourself going down, and mentally explore those and see what you give a shit about. Find some intersection between stuff you give a shit about and what is productive, and motivation comes. Motivation is a by-product, a secondary effect, of having something motivating to work on.

Can you do something different for your career? Seems like you hate it.

I do this:

1. Tell myself I'm not going to do it. What ever it is, I'm not going to do it.

2. Do the bare minimum thing like: open up a word document, turn on a tap to wash dishes, take something out of a box.

3. By commencing the task I'll usually default into doing the next part like reading the document, washing a dish, sorting something out.

Additional tips:

• Break big things into small chunks.
• Dont get overloaded. If your a room do it one draw at a time so you can stop when ever. Getting trapped in a "I can't sleep until this is finished" task is a trap.
• Lists to keep track.

P.S. I was in recruitment 13 years ago and once thought about throwing myself down the stairs to get out of work. I did that job for 2x years and used it to move to a better industry.

You can make change in your life.

Good luck, we're all counting on you :)

Imo, guilt and/or fear is holding you back from the industry. Forgive yourself and everything else about the past situation somehow. Every job has the potential to be different even in the same industry. There are a lot of books and techniques that help to process blame, guilt and fear. This and what everyone else is saying.