Hi all. For several years I have been together with my partner, who is from a different country and speaks a different language. Together we mostly speak English, but her family does not.
We quite regularly go on holiday with her family, and this is what my question is about: about (how to change) the social dynamics of such holidays.
The point is: together her family has a lot to talk about, even if it is about nothing. They have their internal jokes. They are all very much "tuned into" each other.
As a result, they find it very hard to have attention, time or space for me. Don't get me wrong, I don't have to be in the center of the attention. And yes, I guess this discomfort is partly the result of the privilege of being accustomed to more open, social dynamics that are more inclusive (with my own friends and family). But after several days without talking and without being talked to, it gets quite tough.
In "normal situations" I consider myself quite social and open. But in these situations, after some unsuccessful attempts to "join a conversation", I usually just withdraw in a book, or in my computer.
My partner is aware of this and sometimes tries to get them to involve me, but it's very hard for them to create and maintain space for me.
I can imagine all kinds of reasons: as a family they have withstood hardship that created strong bonds. Also they don't see each other that often. And finally they are used to me not speaking their language (in the beginning), which means that they are used to leaving me outside their conversations.
The point is: I believe they are nice people, and that they are not actively trying to exclude me. I believe (hope) that there are ways to change things around, without undermining the thing that they have going on among each other.
So this is where the question part starts: how to do this?
I was thinking of maybe proposing to play a game in the evening, in which everyone gets a turn to do or say something, which would then also involve me. Does anyone have any suggestions for this?
Or maybe you have other suggestions?
Try getting some of the family members away from the others.
Help one of them in the kitchen, or nip to the shops with one, or find some activities where it is not everyone so that a few of them, and yourself, can better learn to interact together and get used to each others communication styles.
This'll make it easier when it's the big scramble of everyone talking over each other at the dinner table and the like.
But also, as others said: it's their family's time, you're a guest there. Just be grateful for being there as a part of it and challenge your negative feelings at the source.