this post was submitted on 04 Jan 2025
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For what it's worth I think that's still quite recent and I think grieving is going to be a longer process. Like if you've moved on a year from now then that would be amazing, so I wouldn't focus so much on that right now.
How are you holding up?
I'm mostly okay during the day (I can distract myself with work or hobbies), but at night is when it all hits me. I'll be okay though, I've just started reading book after book after book in bed until sleep comes.
I also know plenty of people who've been through much much worse, and they all tell me that time really does tend to heal everything. So I've got to be patient I guess.
Another thought that helps is something she herself said, in that she did not wish to be pitied by me. Someone also told me that it's not my job to "rescue" her, so I can maybe try to free myself of the guilt by pursuing that line of thought, and trying to focus on my own happiness.
Btw, thanks for carrying on through this comment chain with me, it's really helped me process some things - it sounds like you yourself have experience in this topic
Yes my experience tells me that time does heal it, but it requires emotional work.
She's her own woman and you should listen to her and your friends. We are all just human and none of us are perfect. You don't sound like the kind of person who would hurt people they love on purpose.
What helps me is to take time away from work and hobbies and the dopamine hits. I go out the door and follow my intuition, not my mind. Then I find a place to stand or to sit and I stay there for as long as I am able to be patient. It has never failed to help me.
Sometimes you just have to wake up and look at the ceiling for a while. And to be brave enough to face your feelings, by directly experiencing them. The only way I can make it go away is by respecting it and giving it the space it asks for within me. That is, I allow myself to feel guilt, or shame, or fear. That's when it melts away and I can find what I've been looking for.
That's interesting. I definitely do not like to be alone with my thoughts at the moment and actively seek distraction, but maybe I should just find a quiet space and see what's going on inside. Thanks for this
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