this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2024
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Porn is the only reason I am still married. After our second kid, my wife's already low sex drive dropped to asexual. She is a wonderful mother, but she is either willfully or ignorantly oblivious to any romantic advance. I get, on average, about one fully clothed, under-the-covers hand job every 6 months or so that's so unenthusiastic that I am reminded why I stopped trying to get her to do it. I am sexually starving. The only thing I want in the world right now is to feel the warm touch of someone who actually wants to touch me again, but I'd rather die, lonely, but married to her than let my kids grow up in a broken home.....
So ya, I jerk off to porn after she goes to bed.
It's better to show your kids what is like to be happy and have your needs met than to show them being miserable and setling. Especially on their behalf.
Which would you rather for your kids?
Which are you showing your kids by example?
'Hey kids, your mom won't give daddy the nookie so I'ma head out now'
Ok, but me being in my late 30s I'd be like, I get it dad.
Fair enough, it really does depend on how old the kids are, but the mental image was too funny to me
Hire sex workers and tell her.
Do you have kids? I used to hate when people would ask me that question before I had kids, because it seems to imply that having them places your opinion on a higher tier. Now that I do, I try and avoid it as much as possible for that reason, but I do understand that parenting is one of the theaters where theory space, and optimal practice, can be very different. The fact is, they never have to know, at least until they're old enough to understand. They don't have to know that Dad is sad when he's alone with Mom, because we still have fun and laugh as a family when they are present. The lesson that I'm teaching them by example, is that it is better to have one bedroom than two, then to have to decide whether they want to live with mom or dad most of the time, that even though Mom and Dad civilly argue sometimes, we can still be a family, and be happy most of the time, rather than give up on a promise made before they were born because of factors they can't possibly understand yet.
Yeah. I had a dad that didn't get laid too. Sex is in the bottom layers of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, then intimacy is up higher as well. If you're not getting these things you're not going to be able to hide them. Your kids won't know why until they're much older WHY your not happy, but that is a sadness of the soul that nothing can hide.
You ever see one of your friends the day after they get laid and you just know. That's a kind of joy from having your needs met that you can't fake.
You're teaching your kids it's OK with someone who doesn't meet your needs. It's not.
Be with someone who makes you happy. Let your wife do the same. Show your kids what a happy marriage and happy parents look like so they can model their relationships that way. Don't continue the cycle.
Ah, yes. Let me tell the children that I'm getting a divorce cause wifey won't fuck me
How about, "Daddys leaving because he no longer in a loving relationship with mommy." Divorce isn't the end of the world.
Except it seems from the comment that they are still in a loving relationship, just not much of a sexual one.
If your partner does not acknowledge you as a sexual being, that isn't very loving.
Nobody is obligated to have sex with you
Ok, but your partner is obligated to understand your needs and if their determination is they will never have sex with you again you are being emotionally neglected.
They aren't being neglected just because someone doesn't want to have sex with them. That's such a strange take.
You don't seem to understand that they are inside a mandatory pact of sexual abstinence except with each other. That is what marriage is. She ensnared him to be his provider for life and to swear off sex with anyone else. And then decided to refuse having sex entirely You want your argument to have legs ? THEN KILL MANDATORY SEXUAL EXCLUSIVITY IN MARRIAGES
That's a choice for people in individual marriages to make, not me.
Yes it should be an add-on choice they can make. Not this vile default !
If one person choses to be asexual after having a healthy sex drive until that point that does not mean the other person has to be asexual aswell. Why is this such a hard concept for you?
You don't seem to know what asexual means. Asexual doesn't mean someone who doesn't have sex. Asexual is someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction.
But anyways, of course the other person is free to break up and find someone else who will have sex with them. However, they aren't being neglected. Nobody owes someone their body.
What's with the pedantry? If they feel no sexual attraction to their partner and therefore never have sex the difference between that and asexuality is trivial. No one is forcing them to have sex. They just are no longer are a participant in a loving, caring, marriage.
That's certainly a better take then arguing they are being neglected
They are being neglected. Their partner doesn't care about their emotional needs.
For real though, why is everyone heading straight to divorce, instead of talking about how to tap that wife
Cause it's condescending to explain to a person you don't know who has been in a serious relationship with a person you dont know for who knows how long that you can tap it if you're just an extra good boy.
Pretty condescending to tell somebody you don't know that they need to get divorced too. Tbh libidos can go to shit after kids so yeah. Maybe my funny joke wasn't so funny. Ah well, I always have had a crap sense of humour
I didn't say they should get divorced only pointed out that it's not that big of a deal.
I don't really give a shit what you think, divorce is a big deal
Second only to a death, divorce is the biggest possible deal for a family, and I'm tired of people pretending like it's not. It's valid in cases of abuse, or if the unhappiness is to a degree where it becomes emotionally damaging to the kids, but divorce should not even be put on the list of available options. Divorce is what you do when none of the available options end up working.
Booooo
Edit: You got some real trauma there and should work that out. You act as though marriage is some force of nature or divine law. You can hype it up all you want but end of the day it's just two people working on a collaborative project. Wipe this illusion of social order from your brain. Society tries to order itself and human nature interferes. The more we allow ourselves to be human the less we will feel like we've failed society.
I would bet you are not married.
Marriage sounds like a terrible deal, why would anyone suffer this indignity ?
Because when you grow up you realize that there is more to being satisfied with life than getting yoir dick wet.
Fine, I am however still not interested in this terrible deal and its supposed benefits beyond promised but undelivered dick wetness
Damn that sucks! Wouldn’t have believed somebody telling you on your honeymoon that so little intimacy was in your future, huh? No fair :( I hope that, if nothing changes, your coping mechanisms remain effective.
The demand for sexual exclusivity by default is evil.What your wife is doing to you is animal neglect !