this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024
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Lemmy Be Wholesome
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Every single long term relationship I've ever been witness to has been defined by either eventual resentment between partners, or a pervasive sense of apathy between them. The people I've seen who really "make it last" aren't affectionate towards one another after being together for decades: they're codependent. One person supports another person's narcissism and the other person facilitates their partner's alcoholism. That sort of thing.
On a more fundamental level, I'm not sure I even believe that the concept of lifelong partners or lifelong marriage is natural for human beings. Being a part of a community, sure, but being emotionally attached to the same person in the same way forever? Not really. I think it's in our nature to constantly grow, and that typically means growing apart. In fact, that might be a lot healthier for people than the alternative.
I think you should ask people who've been together for a long time about that. I've been with my wife for 13 years and we still tell each other we love the other and find them pretty.
If anything, she facilitates my non-drinking, making me realize how much it harms me.
Maybe I'm a narcissist. I don't think I am, but, if I were, you wouldn't trust me to tell you.
Is it the perfect love story you see in the movies? No, and realizing it just can't be that way might be the reason why we've stuck together for so long and didn't downgrade our relationship to us being simple roommates with a shared past.
Right. That's why I didn't say "it's impossible for things to be this way," but instead said "this is what I've seen." It's possible that I've just happened to see the worst of long term relationships by virtue of bad luck or environment. I don't discount that possibility and I'm not saying that my limited experience of the world represents the sum total of all human potential.
We're planning our 30th anniversary party. We still flirt and are both best friends and lovers and don't pass each other in a room without a caress or joke. I'm not bragging so much as to say it happens. Sometimes people keep the remnants of their initial crush and combine it with respect and lust for a whole lifetime. The Pheromones are very strong.