this post was submitted on 04 Feb 2024
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My wife & I never even discussed whether she should or would change her name. She’s not my property.
it doesn't have to be about property, it can be about showing off that your officially one family now. And i think that's a valid reason for changing your last name (aka family name)
You can always opt to take on a double name, you can both take on your wife's name if you prefer that, or whatever. But just because a woman chooses to take her husband's name, doesn't mean that she's now his property. Your children also aren't your property just because they have your last name
Edit: And before someone brings up the fact that the historic reason is property: Things can change and people like to stick to certain traditions regardless of the history that the tradition carries.
Just because your last name is Smith doesn't mean that you need to become a blacksmith, even though that's where the name originates from
A bit off-topic the last part reminds me of Terry Pratchett - Lords and Ladies
The Lancre Morris Men the mixup of name and occupation is a good gag.
Absolutely, for many it's nice to be under one name even if there is no legal need. I do think though that in a world where taking the male family name is not a default and anything can happen, double barrelling becomes problematic as a solution. You can only double barrel so many times! We need a new tradition that is equal for everyone and scales well. My favourite is what I once witnessed at a fantastic wedding. Before cutting their cake, the happy couple literally did a coin flip to choose who would take the other's name. It was easily the most exciting part of the day.
That sounds pretty cool actually
changing names when getting married isn't the same as one partner changing their name to the other's, who doesn't change theirs...
Wow, congratulations, your little observation saved the world! There's no more sexism, racism, nor any sort of abuse thanks to you! Well done.
Where my wife is over here stealing the last names of my family, my family's family, and her family's family. She's collecting last names like Thanos collecting stones.
She needs to be stopped before she's related to everyone.
Can she be my mommy uwu
Only if you have a different last name
I tried to convince my wife we should come up with a dope new last name for both of us to take but she wouldn't bite. "Mr and Mrs Bonesaw" sounded pretty cool to me...
Calm down, MBS
I can relate in that I've never had a desire for someone else to take my name. But my ex-wife wanted to take my name because it would replace her father's name, and that name was problematic to her. She has since changed it to a name she chose for herself. When my current partner married her ex, they both changed their name to one they chose to identify their new family. Those all seem like pretty good reasons.
I get what you're saying but having a single last name is convenient (doesn't necessarily have to be the dude's name). Especially if you plan to have kids.
If your kids have two last names, and they marry someone with two last names it could theoretically be a compounding problem. You gotta draw the line somewhere
You just hyphen the names, give the kids the hyphen last names, and find out when they get married who there favorite parent really was.
It's extremely common for people in Iberian and Mediterranean cultures to get two surnames, some of which get compounded. Nobody thinks it's a problem.
I don’t doubt it. I’m not sure what we would have done if we’d intended to have kids.
Good the fuck for you?
Tangentially relevant at best.
Literally nobody gives a shit, though...
I thought no one would give a shit, but a lot of people really, really do seem to, given the number of up/down votes and the length of this conversation thread.
Cool story.
Just do what you want no one cares.
If a wife takes her husband's last name, that doesn't mean she is seen as property. If a wife doesn't want to, that's fine too. No one cares what you want to do.
I appreciate your progressive attitudes, though I wonder whether you considered how your comment may be received by married Lemmings who’ve already made a different decision than you. Could they perceive an unjustified attack you didn’t intend?
I don’t think I’m responsible for other adults’ reactions to my life choices or my lived experiences.
Hrrm, maybe have a think about it.
You are correct!
You are not directly responsible for everyone's reactions.
That said, an awareness of how our words and experiences may resonate with differing perspectives shows consideration and helps create a more inclusive space.
What do you think about helping us create the kind of platform we all want to be on?
It’s true that as a lemmy.ml admin, I’m not going out of my way to make this an inclusive space for traditional family values. I have different priorities for whom I make this space inclusive.
Oh, this all makes sense now.
Inclusive for me but not for thee
Rarely see it spelled out that clearly, I think that's a huge issue with modern "progressivism".
Progressivism has no inherent need to be all-encompassing. In fact, keeping certain groups *cough conservatives cough* not included is an essential part of successful progressivism.
You're referring to the tolerance paradox, and I completely agree with that, but I don't think that's what happened here.
Who knew how many reactionaries would get flushed out of the bushes by a little off-hand comment about my personal life?
You, for one. I imagine that's why you posted it in the first place.
So implying that name by marriage still implies ownership, excludes me, a man that wants to fly the banner of his wife's clan.
You aren't supporting your "different priorities" very well.
I took my wife's name.
That is honestly quite adorable. I considered it.
Fifty‐five downvotes over this comment? Judas Priest, this community needs to chill out.
But I am chuckling at the joker who said ‘nobody gives a shit, though’. Trust me, I know from experience what apathy looks like. This definitely isn’t an example.
Yeah that one was
People get bent out of shape over nothing, or what is nothing to me, anyway 🤷
What if she wanted to take his name?