lol same!

"Major cause found; Becky is at it again!"

Listen.

When I just wake up I need sustenance but my motor skills are as low as my brain fog is high. I -am- however functional enough to press the "make coffee button" and slap a spoon in a container of yogurt.

Yogurt and decaf* coffee are nice, but not enough to keep my 100+KG of pure overthinking going for long. Luckily, while sipping on my coffee I can knead dough, so by lunchtime I should have fresh bread. (or stale bread from the day before)** What goes on the bread has been decided mostly in my youth, has been altered when I moved on my own, and these days only gets tweaked... it works, why fuck with it.

Dinner has been planned over the weekend so when evening starts and my brain is all cooked out, but my motor skills are at its peak, cooking up some pasta/rice/potato dish with veggies should be easy. Anything more involved is for occasions where I have time to be invested in cooking. On weekends I cook bulk for the days where I don't function, so my freezer is stuffed with all sort of 1 pan dishes.

Within these variables I eat fairly varied, but you really don't want to be around when I am forced to change them on short notice. EG; when I forgot to get yoghurt, it might take me untill mid afternoon untill ive recovered ^^"

it took me about 15 years to work this system out, but by george I have finally mastered eating 3 meals a day.

*Don't give me regular, apocalypses have been started over less.

**Im working on baguette dough so I can make it the day before so i can portion better and don't have to knead in the morning)

not everyone I meet sees my medical profile, lol.
And even then they are happy to question it. Sure every now and then I mention it, bubt 9/10 I don't. And for the longest time I've been diagnosed.

Finding a way to carry yourself that works for you really can make a difference.

Speaking from my own experiences.... (i'm diagnosed with autism and high-IQ)

People seem to read vulnerabilities they cant really place as general mental fucked upness. For example, I struggle when two people talk to me at the same time, or ask me several questions at once. Have a couple of these incidents happen and some people start treating me as if I'm missing a chromosome. I think when people are dealing with something thy know little about, some would rather fill the blanks with ignorance and stereotypes. You could invite them to learn more, but also... meh, their loss.

People who are familiar with autism, or being overloaded on info... they often automatically slow down, ask about my challenges, ect.

I've learned some tricks to demand respect though, you can't expect everyone to be sensible. I have an elaborate vocabulaire, and though I prefer to talk informal, sometimes talking slightly more formal than the person in front of you can keep them on their toes.

Another direction, I also like to deploy, is to just play the dumdum they think I am. It means less expectations, less bullshit. And honestly, nothing is more satisfying when halfway trough the year they find out you know the source material better than they do.

Another thing that has really worked for me is to surround myself with people who are eager to get to know me as an individual. In time this has also helped me grow the confidence to convince or even demand other people to understand how I work even if it originally isn't there priority.

Hope his helps

I will be your #1 personal progress cheerleader though!

Someone can tell me all the things that caught fire because their damaged ass just looked at it, and I will still be like; So you got out of bed AND made coffee? THATS FUCKING AMAZING

I have made mental health one of my obsession topics So I started working in mental health... I didn't see the problem with it.

I have to stop drinking coffee during work hours and have been working hard my entire career to not out-talk my clients -.- Im getting better at it though

yooo, these messages mean a lot to me. This hasn't been the easiest week, and the.. well... everything of it means a lot. Ill try to get back to this with a more elaborate reply when I do have the space and mental capacity <3

don't know about how big a factor autism actually is. I mean, sure might not pick up on some signals others would have.

But if I look at my own life, i think its mainly cravings... wanting to believe it.

Being single is quite a big topic in my life, and not one I'm happy about. I really miss the cuddles, the affection... just to play the game of dating even. So when that suddenly seems to present itself out of the blue, I might be way less critical of how i observe the situation than I otherwise might

Another factor, and this might be more auty related, is genuinly not being able to read what I mean or that person, or what they are expecting from me.

Hope this helps

as it goes with a lot of diagnosis.

This doesnt do it justice, but being socially different in a specific set of ways tend to create the same results as human social communication is just so specific... sure theres some local customs and habbits and such withing communities, but the thing we look for in a primal sense are all very specific. Not making those rule consistently is as confusing for them as it is for us. so suddenly their whole social playbook goes down the drain* and the only options are to either reject or to really engage and try to understand that different world, making all sorts of sacrifices in an attempt to try and keep up. (you know, like we do 24/7).

*NGL, at times I get a fair amount of satisfaction when this happens. Like; welcome to my world darling; do you not know what my face means? OH, that must be terrible. No, I'm not gonna tell unless you ask, and then i'm gonna act like you're weird for not understanding right away! OH, what was that? did i not respect your space? I'm sorry, just explain to me all the ways how your space needs to be respected and ill try to get it right on my third try.Oh, its hard to explain what you need from me right now? Well, figure it out you can't expect me to read your mind now can you. [all with a kind soft smile] (sorry, i'm a bit bitter today)

All in all what makes the struggle the most difficult for me is no cuddles, no physical affirmation. If I could just get my daily cuddles from someone, I'd be so much more balanced as a person. But now I just gotta act very casual around people while im actually just starving for some affection. (but I learned the hard way that when a 2m guy starts showing he craves for affection, people dodge him even more) Again, sorry for going so dark... not really having my day today... im in a venty mood

Yeah that expecting yourself to end up where you fit is something im really working on with therapy right now. Rationally I'm convinced its the way to go, its how my partents thought me to go about things. Sadly Ive been bullied a ton quite early in life, and because of that often assumed I was just not compatible with the world. Workwise I also had some bad luck... so its a lot of work building up the trust in myself and the people around me that its enough to just be myself... But I know I can do it, and I have the right support RN, so it just a matter of time.

A little rant, but ive never said this out loud now that I think off it ^^" yay progress

The first one is me when I'm anxious, the 2nd one is me when im fed up or tired.

When Im tired+anxious either one of two things could happen:

1. I just stop registering anything and do whatever the fuck I want.
2. I panic and start throwing people because i can't register the details I think are very important, and that is making me terrified of social repercussions because I am probably about to do something that is socially unacceptable, and even though its perfectly innocent in my head I will be ostracized and or assaulted for it.

The best is when I'm neither anxious nor tired, I just pick up what I pick up and what I don't... well people will just have to be more fucking clear about it don't they?

90% of my social anxieties are somehow related to this, as are 90% of my violent outbursts. Why can't people just fucking tell me what they want from me? Why am I not allowed to throw people?

Can we please rebrand 'X' as 'The website formerly known as twitter'?

Also, best post here in a while

Also, don't get my hopes up -.-

edit: so no prince fans here then ^^"