Any trans women who relate to this meme, this comment is addressed to you. I'm not going to tell you not to snack on the self-harm salad, because I know it's not that easy; I was first cat-called at age 13, and despite being terrified and deeply uncomfortable, I remember feeling happy because it felt like validation — because even at that young age, I had internalised the idea that being appealing to men was what it mean to succeed as a woman.
We live in a patriarchal society, and that means that every woman is faced with this bitter meal at some point, as well as the decision on how to work past the stage where we tell ourselves we like it because it gives us some modicum of agency. It can feel pointless to be a feminist sometimes when misogyny is so insidious.
But trust me when I tell you that happiness won't be found in this soggy pile of limp leaves and lies. You're so much more than the misogynists would have you believe. You've already fought so hard to live as a woman, and I think it'd be a damn shame at this point if we didn't get to see what kind of woman you want to be. I had help to realise that being a woman doesn't mean conforming to patriarchal standards, so when you're feeling secure enough that you want to move beyond relying on misogyny validation, I, and many others me, are here to support you.
And not just because trans rights are human rights, but because you are wanted and needed here. My wish to see you at your best is a slightly selfish one, because my own gender experience and understanding of womanhood has been immeasurably improved by having trans women in my life and in my community. I can't wait to see what we can build together, because you can offer something that I, or other cis women simply can't do on our own. You add something unique and beautiful and truly special to this world, and to the conversation of what a woman can be.
In the meantime, don't beat yourself up for clawing some small comfort from harmful sources. It's a difficult time, so be kind to yourself in whatever way you can. Besides, I may speak like I'm enlightened, but I still struggle with this shit too; Recognizing and resisting harmfuk toxicity isn't the kind of fight you can ever really win, you always have to keep an eye out for it. It's easier with good friends though, and a community that supports you. If you don't have much of those things yet, I wish you good luck in finding a place that you're comfortable, and the strength to remember that you are wanted, you are loved, and you are valuable, as you are - the real you, even if you're still discovering her, or the world hasn't seen her yet.
