this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world 159 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"What's with all the bags of ice?"

[–] DrugsMcChrist@lemmy.ml 47 points 1 year ago (1 children)

so you say you always bring an empty cooler with you on a first date. that's interesting

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Takes off all clothes to get ready for some love making .... "What? You want me to wash my body first? .... OK?" ....everything goes black

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

"Why does everything smell like iodine and pine needles..... /slump

[–] Daft_ish@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Last thought before passing out, "awe, I'm going to miss out on all the sex."

[–] lugal@lemmy.ml 96 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Drop the bullshit and tell me your exact blood type

[–] dan1101@lemm.ee 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] moistclump@lemmy.world 60 points 1 year ago

Partner for “life”.

[–] nevemsenki@lemmy.world 60 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Of all the things in that picture, what bothers me still is why only London written in cyrillic?

It’s the way Tinder renders. ‘Lives in’ shows up in the language/alphabet of the app of the creator of the profile, while all other headers are processed in the language of the viewer of the profile.

It actually serves as a decent trick for learning the language settings on the app of a person who’s profile you’re viewing.

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

You know what, same.

[–] konalt@lemmy.world 46 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Watch out, or she'll fix you

[–] creditCrazy@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The benefits of having a gf surgin

[–] EarthShipTechIntern@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

If she's surgin' for cash, she may bring in a surgeon to grab your kidneys

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She didn't ask for him to have a job

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Or be over 6'. You have a point.

[–] kautau@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Organ dealers don’t see height 🥺😍

[–] tubaruco@lemm.ee 18 points 1 year ago

they dont care about appearance, what they do care about is whats inside!

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 33 points 1 year ago

Respond to the posting with you mentioning that you live alone and have O- negative blood type cause fuck it you only live once.

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There were urban legends back in the 80s and 90s about tourists in beach resort cities hooking up with attractive women in bars and discos, going back to their apartments or hotel rooms to keep drinking, passing out, then waking up next day... without the corneas of their eyes! Completely blind!

[–] Buck@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The one I used to hear was waking up in a tub of ice without one or both kidneys

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A friend of mine many many years ago met a girl on a dating site and mentioned it to his mom. She announced that it was a kidney harvesting scam and would not let him go on the date unless he agreed to check in with her afterwards. During the date she texted him multiple times to watch his drink and make sure he doesn't get his kidneys harvested. When he didn't respond fast enough she called me and made me promise I would go and rescue him if it happened. After the date she wouldn't accept text messages that everything was fine. He had to call her and make sure that she could hear his voice. She also called me again and asked me to drop by his apartment to make sure he was there.

She really was a nice woman, just a bit touched.

[–] iviattendurefort@lemmy.ml 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"What kind of decent, good-looking woman would want to go out with my son"

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Haha I promise you it wasn't like that. It was the whole dating someone via the Internet that set off her.

[–] Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

goes on date

Man- "lets play a game, i tell you what i like about you and you tell me what you like about me.

Olga- "how valuable your are to me" (whispers under her breath) "economalicly"

[–] creditCrazy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Eh more of a operation guy tbh

[–] faintwhenfree@lemmus.org 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Economalicaly, haha pure gold

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[–] fluckx@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds more like a "till death do us part" rather than a long time partner to me :/

[–] phx@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

"lifetime" partner :-)

[–] jcdenton@lemy.lol 14 points 1 year ago
[–] _number8_@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

must reside within 5 hectares of the М̷̩̦̩͕̆̈́̇̊о̶̡͉̱̺͉̦̐̍̍͗̋р̶͇͍̈̆͋о̷̨̝̺̪̥̱̹̫̦̝̝̥͚̺͐̓͋̾͒̋̏͐̈́͌̊̎͜͝з̶̧̡̹̜̪̟̭̤͚̤͎̳̓̉͋͘ͅо̷̨̦̋в̸̙̙̑ͅо̵͓̹̲͕͈̫͇̤̾̄̐͊͑̅͗̌͌̅͘ city-centre

[–] art@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

🚩🚩🚩🚩

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 11 points 1 year ago

"What's with the fava beans and that nice bottle of chianti?"

[–] NegativeLookBehind@kbin.social 10 points 1 year ago

Must enjoy ice cold baths!

[–] levmyskin@feddit.it 9 points 1 year ago

Way too suspiciously specific

[–] hlqxz@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

Well one more reason to do drugs

[–] Porka_911@sopuli.xyz 8 points 1 year ago

Handcuffs first date, I'm out

[–] Ryan213@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hey, that's me! I have both lungs/kidneys, even heart rhythm, don't smoke, drink, etc. Where's...NOHAOH?

[–] pendulum_@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 1 points 1 year ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

https://piped.video/j29i9lL-DA8?si=A5w6qH0rsW40Ppj9

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

high value bearer bond life insurance also a plus.

[–] bappity@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Porka_911@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It says London. Odd it's in Cyrillic script.

[–] EarthShipTechIntern@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

She's uni-boob! From Russian London

[–] Sibbo@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 year ago

If you leave out the hardworking those standards are actually quite low

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