this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2025
551 points (96.9% liked)

Not The Onion

13630 readers
2131 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

A bill proposed to the Ohio statehouse will make male ejaculation without intent to have a baby, a fineable offense of up to $10,000.

The bill has been proposed by State Representatives Anita Somani and Tristan Rader, who wrote it to point out what they see as the absurdity of rules that control women's bodies but do not control men's. It has not been formally introduced to the House Floor yet.

Per Somani and Rader, men would face a $1,000 first offense, $5,000 second offense, and $10,000 subsequent offense fine to "discharge semen or genetic material without intent to fertilize an embryo."

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Biggles@lemmy.myserv.one 81 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I'll never financially recover from this.

[–] MangoCats@feddit.it 14 points 6 days ago
[–] buddascrayon@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago

I'm already several hundred thousand in debt.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 81 points 1 week ago (4 children)

These performative bills are so dumb; you can't shame the shameless. Republicans are open hypocrites. You think they care about this?

Push laws for actual protections against people being hurt

Absolutely will not happen in Ohio, the only way the statehouse could do anything beneficial for it's citizens would be to have a massive gas leak

[–] Maiq@lemy.lol 7 points 1 week ago

They are too busy hurting people.

They aren't trying to shame anyone. They are just trying to get thier own names on the news. You mistake these poloticians for people who care about others.

[–] DicJacobus@lemmy.world 28 points 6 days ago

the fake christians of America prove why freedom of religion also means freedom from religion.

[–] nthavoc@lemmy.today 22 points 6 days ago

Would be nice if we had an actual opposition party to, you know, put in bills to oppose the massive abuse of power that's been going on for a while now. Instead we get frumpy faces, folded arms, an occasional angry letter, moral victories, and of course the "that'll show 'em" bills.

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 8 points 6 days ago

I can't wait for it to pass

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 4 points 6 days ago

Woe's Hollow

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

That's a lot of overdraft fees. Just gonna make me masturbate even harder though.

[–] formergijoe@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Their bill has some exceptions, as it says men in Ohio will not be fined if they are using birth control, donating sperm, masturbating, or having sex with another man or member of the LGBTQ+ community. The bill is specifically aimed at men having straight sex without protection who do not then create a baby.

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Honestly that's fairly reasonable

Doing some quick math, I have in my possession a 1.2 billion dollar RATM tshirt with Che’s eye stuck together for good.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 3 points 1 week ago

This is uh...quite biblical actually, as someone got executed for this. They should make it punishable by exexution while they are at it. Why be a theocratic distopia only half-way?

[–] remotelove@lemmy.ca 161 points 1 week ago (2 children)

We could pay down the national debt in about 4 hours.

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 29 points 1 week ago (1 children)

A lot of men will need ~~bank~~ spank loans.

New business opportunity!

New fintech startup, Wankr, provides loans at 2400% to pay your wank-fines.

....Now to get $300 million in Series-A funding.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] futatorius@lemm.ee 111 points 1 week ago (4 children)

They should quit trolling and start resisting. Gesture politics is a displacement activity.

[–] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 26 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I mean tbf the GOP has a supermajority in the Ohio House so there's probably not much she can do other than trolling.

[–] chetradley@lemm.ee 5 points 1 week ago

How about proposing actual progressive legislation that would help her constituents, and calling out the Republicans who oppose it?

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 42 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Not true. She could take a page from AOC's book and inform the people of their rights and how to resist the fascist administration AND troll the fascists for their ignorant reactions.

[–] doingthestuff@lemy.lol 23 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Ohio voters recently passed a constitutional amendment guaranteeing abortion rights, so writing that bill here is certainly mostly a signal to national politics.

Also, I had a vasectomy, so would I still be able to wank away under the proposed bill? lol

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 100 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Which is great until you remember that the religious right is okay with that idea

[–] moitoi@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

As well as with homosexuality. People should definitely learn about the history of sodomite. Gang bangs of pastor were a thing.

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 44 points 1 week ago (5 children)

It'd legitimately be hilarious if they introduced it on the House floor and the general response was, "Oh, yeah, this is perfect!" and it somehow passed.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 76 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] ArchRecord@lemm.ee 61 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Their bill has some exceptions, as it says men in Ohio will not be fined if they are using birth control, donating sperm, masturbating, or having sex with another man or member of the LGBTQ+ community.

The bill is specifically aimed at men having straight sex without protection who do not then create a baby. (emphasis added)

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] potentiallynotfelix@lemmy.fish 29 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] idunnololz@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

Pro gooners are fine because they never cum /s

[–] ansis@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago

the term "moneyshot" gets a whole new meaning

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 19 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That just makes having a wank more thrilling, getting close knowing you're about to reach a 100 grand fine that day.

America, edging its way to a theocracy.

load more comments
view more: next ›