Asklemmy

Are hotels in the UK not equipped with toasters?

Trypophobia, apparently

Ha! We can get marmite and vegemite here in the states. And they're both fucking delicious when used right.

But, you can't get applebutter anything in the wild around here. Might be possible elsewhere, but I haven't run across it.

Not sure what is and isn't a thing elsewhere, but applebutter isa strongly spiced apple product used as a spread. It's sweet rather than savory. It typically features cloves, cinnamon and allspice as the main spices, in varying proportions. It is also fucking amazing.

But you won't find it in restaurants at all.

There is a great southern tradition of applebutter biscuits. Biscuits here, again in case it isn't known, are a fluffy, light, scone-like quickbread. And it's similar to your scenario. Places could offer that as a menu option and bring it to you. They could possibly make a deal for individual packets of it like exist for jelly, and bring that with biscuits. But nobody does.

It's one of those things that if you came over here, you can't find it in restaurants. Even worse, while you can buy commercially made applebutter (there's a few brands out there) they are all inferior to even mid tier homemade applebutter. So you can't even buy the experience the way people can at home. You can't just go out and buy Whitehouse applebutter and get the right texture and taste on your biscuits (or toast, or crumpets).

The commercially made options are all too thin for one thing. They don't spread like applebutter is supposed to. It's supposed to have a thick consistency, closer to something like a jam or preserve. The commercial stuff is also over-homogeneous and too finely textured. Homemade is going to have small chunks of softened apple as opposed to a blended texture.

The spice mix in store bought also tends to be both blander and too , I dunno, even? Homemade, you get layers of the spices. Store bought, you get one layer, there's no depth to it. Part of that is it being made in huge batches, and part is the longer time from jar to your mouth; so I can't say it's anything the makers have cheaped out on or anything. But it is not as good as what you make yourself (or someone's grammy makes).

Also, marmite and applebutter on toast is absurd in how good it is. The savory and salty bang of marmite with a spoonful of sweet, spicy applebutter on top will make you want to slap yo mama. I find marmite and vegemite don't do well on biscuits compared to toast, english muffins, or the like. Too much bread for it to really pop unless you do an entire spoonful, at which point it's too much.

1. Chip Butty
2. Crisp Sandwich made with Sandwich Spread.

A Twinkie weiner sandwich.

1. Cook a hot dog
2. Slice a twinkie halfway through the bottom longwise to get something like a hotdog bun
3. Insert the cooked hotdog into newly created bun
4. Squirt easy cheese along the length of the hot dog
5. Dip in milk
6. Eat

Weird Al invented this in 1989 in his movie UHF and it’s still not available in stores for some reason

Food I want to eat

Decent fitting clothes with deep pockets and quality fabrics with the colors i like

Brother, we have all of those ingredients everywhere. We have a little British store run by expats who could get whatever packaged crumpet you use. Shit, I can make a batch of crumpets in about 15 minutes.

It's not like a crazy recipe that needs balanced flavors to be done right. Like I've never had a good poutine outside of Quebec. It's always sad beige gravy with the wrong seasonings or mozzarella or frozen fries or all of the above. It is never right.

What we can also talk about is local places making local dishes but they do it wrong and cheap or "good enough" and people come from abroad and try the dishes and think they're mid because they went to the wrong place.

TL;DR: I love poutine.

/Rant

Here's something that you can't buy outside of Italy: mozzarella. I tasted proper mozzarella in Tuscany and it's nothing like the shit labeled mozzarella sold in supermarkets around the world, and for a good reason: real mozzarella has a shelf life shorter than Trump's attention span.

Buckwheat kasha, you won't find it even in a Slavic restaurant. It is a simple dish of cooked buckwheat and milk, with sugar added if one desires. Such a simple breakfast dish is sold nowhere to my knowledge.

Marmite crumpets shouldn't exist!

What other cosmic horrors are you creating in your kitchen‽