If you think someone is a troll using the permissive social norms of a community to be unreasonable, don’t interact. That’s the proper response to a troll trying to bait, ignore. If they’re not a troll, just particular, then you’ve avoided the issue by not interacting.

No one is being forced to be here, every choice to be here is voluntary. Every interaction is voluntary, if you choose to interact with someone who upsets you, that’s your choice. If you think the rule of “don’t intentionally misgender people” is unreasonable, you can choose to not be here.

[–] djsoren19@yiffit.net 10 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I mean, the most telling part is the instance where most of the triggered users were from. Little hint, it wasn't blahaj or any other queer-friendly instance.

[–] Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 days ago

dotworld having a normal one

[–] MossyFeathers@pawb.social 41 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Fuck those losers that were complaining. The think they're allies, but you earn that title; and they failed super hard when they started complaining and treating someone's pronouns as if it was a reward for good behavior. You use someone's preferred pronouns regardless of how you feel. That's allyship.

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 56 points 3 days ago

[–] herinaceus@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 days ago

If this is about a particular mythical lizard individual, I think it is clear that the problem was not neopronouns... Maybe 10% of dissent was related the fact that "they" is offensive, or not inclusive enough.

I think encouraging murder-suicides and harassment tend to be bannable behaviours, but I suppose if enough "me is victim" is induced by speaking exclusively in third-person (including verbs when referring to one's self), anything is possible.

Also, a bazillion bans over for "gatekeeping" later, this place definitely seems mostly allergic to being inclusive towards anyone not a part of the in-group of defending this blatant troll. Fun, or even slightly humorous pronouns aren't offensive tbh, but forcing your sexual obsession(s) onto non-consenting strangers, online or not, is fucked up. I'm sure there are places for that exclusively, where consent is usually pre-established, to some degree.

I don't like people who make otherkin and neopronoun users both look like complete shitheads. I'm in neither of those groups, but it would be nice if people obviously trolling to make a mockery of both concepts would not be immune to legitimate critisism/grievences.

Tap for spoiler

I know noone asked, but the probabilty of some level of fuckery akin to this (trolls ruining/dividing the place) is the reason I never made an account on this instance. It isn't anything exclusive to blahaj, just that irl and online queer spaces get trolled a ton, and the resulting aftermath can be not super great.

[–] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone 44 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It's like with misgendering trans people who do shitty things or are shitty people like Ava Tyson or Caitlin Jenner. They might be pieces of shit, but they're still women. You don't get an n word pass just because a Black person does something bad.

[–] HeckGazer@programming.dev 24 points 3 days ago

"Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you can revoke their human rights" is the quote I remember with the same energy

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 4 points 3 days ago

“I’m not a monster Jake” —Chucky

[–] megopie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

And if you don’t want to use someones preferred pronouns for some reason… you can just not engage. Simply not referring to someone is always an option!

[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world -1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I have 42069 Ally Points, were can I redeem them? And is this like a Battle-Pass thing or just one time?

Most of them are Bisexual-Ally-Points do I need to convert them?

[–] Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works 30 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Disclaimer: I’m so far away from Blahaj’s demographic I don’t even know why I’m commenting…

Random internet person called Ada devotes their time, bandwidth, expertise, server etc to help random netizens interact with each other. Sets some rules - their space, their rules. Reasonable.

Don’t like the rules? Either fuck off or… find a workaround? “That person, their, you” should cover most things ( and are suitably neutral to not cause unnecessary offence) if you - a bit like me - sometimes struggle with all these new words and concepts. Failing that - stop visiting is always an option. What more is there to say?

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Your outsider’s perspective is so valuable 😆 thanks for sharing

Also silly because it’s such a small ask, it’s not like she is saying trolls are getting a free pass here, she’s just saying “hey we’re not gonna allow you to be the judge, jury, and executioner in the comments because that kind of diatribe is literally the stuff this community is designed to minimize—we ask you to just disengage completely (or find a workaround) rather than open the floodgates for more of the same discussion and abuse that our users deal with every day. If you suspect real trolling or damage, just report them and our crack team of mods will deal with it in a way that doesn’t involve any misgendering or harassment.”

[–] Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 days ago

First of all, thanks to you folk for allowing me to walk in and have a look around.

Yes - it seems such a simple ask. Play by the rules; or don’t play at all.

A few people I work with occasionally had real problems in this field. I discovered that calling a Portuguese Spanish, Bangladeshis Indian and Poles German soon focused their minds on accuracy of language. I’m an (adopted) Welsh person and have spent about two percent of my entire life explaining that I’m not English. I suppose it’s a parable of sorts…

[–] saigot@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I totally agree but would also like to point out that "their" and "you" are not accepted by either of the subjects of this drama.

[–] Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

If that is true (which somehow I don’t doubt) I think those two people might need to be Three Billy Goats Gruffed out of here - but it’s not my space to make that call.

Failing that? Perhaps an intervention might help.

[–] chocosoldier@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

the real paradox of tolerance is how quickly "tolerant" people fall back into gender essentialism rhetoric the moment they're presented with anything outside of their comfort zone.

[–] Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 39 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Y'all are getting hit with they/them from me not because of intolerance but because it's my default way of referring to people let alone online.

I don't read comments and posts as: [username] says "yada yada."

I read them as: [random person nearby wanting to engage in small talk] says "yada yada"

I don't read the usernames often which has lead to funny situations where I was having a pleasant conversation in one thread and a shit show in another with the same person.

I engage like I would with small talk with a stranger. We don't need to exchange names to chat, it's not important. Hell I used to talk with a handful of people daily when I rode the city bus. Did that for 2 years. We never learned each others names. I even went to one of their kid's weddings. Was quite the party, still didn't catch their name though.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Which is fine, until you know someones pronouns. At which point, continuing to use they/them becomes an issue that will get moderator action.

[–] Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I'll do what I can (I do proof read my comments and I always seem to miss things) but with how my brain processes info and holds info it's a hurdle for sure.

I don't want to write a novel as reply explaining how my brain processes info here but how little my brain holds gender info or processes it, it's like sand in a collander.

Like I'll be hammering a reply, the info slips out of my brain, and due to using gender neutral / agnostic pronouns for people by default I switch to using them without noticing. And then it slips through the proof reading process as the info is gone at that point.

Like if you've seen that video that went viral like a decade ago where people where the premise is "follow the basketball" and a dude dressed as a gorilla walks through the middle, and no one notices the gorilla when watching the video, it's kinda like that. I focus on the conversation topic and engaging with the other person, and rest of the info falls away.

It's kinda hard to explain (though I did write many novel elsewhere about it)

I hope I don't catch any strays from a mod because that info just doesn't get held in my brain, but given enough time I'll probably catch at least 1.

Edit: I think I came up with an idea on how to voice my thinking but bear with me it's odd. Say there's 3 people, 1 is colorblind (monochromatic), 1 says there's only a handful of colors and the rest are confused, and the third says there's a color spectrum. The monochromatic colorblind person agrees with the person who says there's a spectrum (basically everything is a spectrum, why not color?) but due to not seeing color defaults to refering to things in generic ways. Would you say the colorblind person is an ally to the person saying there's a spectrum or would you say that they're an ally to the person saying there's only a small number of colors and the rest are confused?

I'm basically the monochromatic colorblind person in this scenario. It's Greek to me.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago

If someone tells you the way you're addressing them is making them uncomfortable, change the way you're addressing. You don't need to be perfect, you need to try, and you need to be willing to fix your slip ups when they happen

[–] HatchetHaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What about names? If I decide then and there not to use pronouns at all, and instead refer to that person by name, how would that weigh?

How about "that person" or "that user"?

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

If someone makes it clear they're not comfortable with the way you're addressing them, change the way you address them. If you can't change the way you address them without making yourself uncomfortable, then stop engaging with the person in question

[–] HatchetHaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 days ago

As long as they haven't expressed discomfort at being referred to using regular nouns, then. Good to know!

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 20 points 3 days ago

well with that you’re doing better than a good chunk of the internet 😆 i think unless it comes up in conversation, it’s totes fine to revert to they/them especially for short chit-chat

[–] allo@sh.itjust.works 22 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

They are called pronoumpires; They get their energy from using the wrong pronouns on people.

That ruling essentially denies them their feeding ground.

[–] Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 3 days ago

'Tis a silly word but I like it.

Don't know how I'd say it though lol

[–] spujb@lemmy.cafe 6 points 3 days ago

goated analysis