Asklemmy

I've struggled with putting my thoughts into words almost my whole life. Only in the last 2-3 years I started to actually get better (I'm 28 soon).

What could help is

• If you managed to find words for a thought write them down somewhere (I used phone notes for this)
• Not sure about this one, but maybe reading books out loud might help (doesn't have to be with anyone present)

I did both of these occasionally, but I think what actually helped me here was LSD, which I don't recommend unless you've properly researched the (side-) effects, are aware of all the risks and have trusted source to get it from.

You can start by using chat gpt's voice chat. it’s a small step, but it can help you practice carrying conversations. speaking in public is very different from talking alone, but this could give you some direction.

if your speech feels like xqc's, one reason might be overthinking how others see your face or gestures. building self-confidence can help—working out, for example, can make you feel better about how you look, which often translates to confidence in speaking.

another issue could be speaking too fast. try slowing down. you might worry about awkward pauses, but people enjoy listening. if you speak with authority and maintain your pace, others will adjust and give you time to express yourself.

lastly, if eye contact makes you nervous, don’t overthink it. a quick glance now and then is fine. it keeps you calm and focused without overwhelming you. over time, this can make speaking much less stressful.

Like anything, it's practising doing it. Incidentally, this is one place using a chat bot might help you. These things are pretty good at carrying a conversation, and if you're not comfortable talking to a person, it could be a good way to practice.

Learn new languages. Learn to code.

May not solve your problem, but will help.

Also, read books.

OP, I have the same problem and I recently made a ton of progress! Two things helped. First, I started humming almost all the time. I can't carry a tune, and it feels pretty silly. I was very self conscious about it at first, but it has really helped so much with producing sounds. Before all the humming, I never really knew what my voice would sound/feel like before I started talking. But now, it's like I always have that preview thanks to the humming.

The second thing that really helped is something I'm really lucky for. I live with a very supportive friend, and I told them that I would be making more noise and trying to talk to them more in general.

Oh, also apparently acid reflux was an issue too.

I still am not very good at knowing what to say, but at least producing the sounds has gotten so much easier

Just remember: practice is good, as long as you're not straining/hurting yoyr voice!

As others have suggested, professional help would probably be the best way to go about it.

Otherwise, here are my suggestions as a non-professional:

• Record yourself and listen to yourself speak, maybe even naturally (maybe on the phone?). Listen for the mistakes you're making so that you can focus on correcting them.
• Slow down between words and sentences.
• Plan out your sentences before you start them.
• Be okay with using filled pauses. You don't need ums and uhs, but things like "Well...". Even something like "Let me think about that for a moment" is okay in certain settings.
• Look up advice for professional speaking. Advice for live streamers can be great to apply to your situation.

One really neat trick is to slow down and even pause words. This really helps me get my point across.

You're dealing with both impediments and social issues here. This would be difficult for anyone. I highly suggest professional help, but if it's not available or you are unwilling, the next best thing would be to understand you're going to need to fail a lot with intentions of getting better, and it may never happen. I'm rooting for you.

Edit: To clarify, speech therapy and general therapy are what you will benefit from.

I don’t know if anyone else has this problem but I have a really pacific issue.

The word you want here is "specific". 👍

I talk like xQc

Just looked up this guy and this seems obvious, Twitch.tv is the inverse of literacy and coherence. Stop fucking gaming and watching streams.

I'm Indigenous Canadian and I grew up in a semi remote community where my family only spoke our Ojibway/Cree language. That was my first language for about the first ten years of my life.

I went to school and learned English and could understand it from a young age but I never needed to speak it.

At 14 I had to go high school in a city where everyone spoke English and I didn't. I could understand everyone but I had a hell of a hard time speaking or even to be heard. My brain knew what to say but my mouth parts were so out of practice that I couldn't speak properly or be understood. The software was working 100% but the hardware didn't cooperate.

I had a hard time speaking English all through my teen years. I didn't get comfortable with it until about 20. Even after that I spent about another five / ten years before I got fully comfortable with the language. I'm almost 50 now and I can comfortably speak English now and I have no problem making myself heard. Sad part is that in all that time, I've lost some of my ability to speak my Indigenous language.

Basically it's just practice and sticking with it. You won't sound right or you won't sound good for a few years but keep at it. Make mistakes, make yourself sound goofy or silly ... who cares ... keep practicing and eventually you'll get better with it. It took me a long time because I just don't like interacting with people. I saw others like me who were more extroverted pick up the language a lot faster and within a year or two just become as normal of a speaker as anyone else.

Practise ... it's like saying you want to learn to sing ... you won't be good at it at first so you have to practice and not be afraid to fail and fail often ... keep at it and eventually you'll be just as good at speaking as anyone else.

If you legitimately speak like xQc, the first thing I'd tell you is to slow the hell down. That guy would probably get as much information out in the same amount of time, but easier to understand, if he just didn't try speaking that fast. Last I heard it, even his québécois french was slurred.

As to finding the right words when speaking, it tends to come with knowing your subject well enough, and having decent vocabulary.

Past that, if you do struggle with the very act of translating ideas into the physical act of speaking, it could be a speech disorder which could likely benefit from speech therapy.

I got a job as a door to door salesman for a year and by the end of it I felt like talking in a way that was both fluid and engaging was my superpower. This is after having such crippling social anxiety that I would often run home and hide. It may be an impractical suggestion, but I would advise you find a structured way to practice where the goal isn't just talking for its own sake.

Practice by reading out loud slowly and enunciating like you want a child to understand you. Do the same with others' speeches, as they were written to be said out loud. If they are recorded in an accent that is in the neighborhood of your goal, even better - you can practice talking exactly like a recording.

Even though this isn't off-the-cuff speaking, you will likely adopt verbal patterns that let your words flow more freely.

You can also join clubs that are dedicated to speaking to other people. If all else fails, something like toastmasters, though that's specifically about public speaking.

If this doesn't go well, that's also okay. You might want to look into a speech therapist if practice doesn't help.

Speech pathology for the stutter and the slip. You can find some free help online but be careful, trying to fix speech issues on your own can make things worse in some cases. If you can, seek professional input.

I've done toastmasters a long time a go, and it really benefits me till today.

I as a teen worked in a retail computer store Having to constantly interact with people really give you a sense of being able to communicate better. That or any job where you have to teach someone something.

Freeze

Another response to danger is your body hitting the pause button altogether. The freeze response involves becoming immobilized or “freezing” in response to a threat. This can involve a state of paralysis or being unable to move. It’s thought that this response might have evolved as a way to avoid being noticed by a predator or to remain still in the hopes that the threat will pass by.

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-happens-to-your-body-during-the-fight-or-flight-response

I would suggest emailing improv groups around you to see if you could join a class that's supportive. Make sure to ask the teacher ahead of time so you can get a feel for if they'd be good for you or not and if they're willing to work with you. If you could take a friend that's interested as well, that would help for you to work with someone you trust.

I talk like xQc irl

🤣 Sorry not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you. I kinda felt that.

Remember that in real life, conversations isn't like in movies. Dialogue isn't so perfect with flowery proses. Real conversations often have incomplete sentences, a lot of "um..." filler words. And there often like frequent pauses when my brain just has to process thoughts before I can say it. Life is like that, is normal.

What made me less anxious and just go "IDGAF" is just I realized that I am a mortal being and I will eventually die, I kinda had an existential crisis for a while, then I was just like: if everyone just dies, all embarassing moments just gets forgotten

Like you can piss yourself or shit your pants, look foolish in a live audience of millions of people, say stupid things... whatever. Doesn't matter, everything is temporary. Being a bit nihilistic just allow you to be yourself. Nothing matter anyways, do what you feel like (except harming others, don't harm other living being please).

I mean not to get political, but just look at politicians say stupid things all the time.

The president of the US fell down a bunch of staird, people laughed, the internet memed it a bit, everyone kinda just went on.

And most of us doesn't have the whole world watching is. If I fell down a bunch of stairs, most people that saw it would just forget very soon. Samething with speech, as long as you don't say anything thats bigoted, nobody care about speech mistakes.

TLDR: Life is short, do whatever you want as long as it doesn't harm other living beings. Make mistakes all you want, doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Have you tried hypnosis?

Not sure if related, but this might help

Given the context of your post, I would suggest starting with the basics. Taking the time to learn how to write properly may give you some ability to speak properly.

I have a really pacific issue

I don't know if this is typo or if you think your issue is as big as the ocean.