432
AskReddit (lemmy.today)
submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by LodeMike@lemmy.today to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

Image description:

screenshot of r/AskReddit post by u/CriticalGeode . Title only. official phone app. Light mode.

How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?

Upvoted by screenshoter. No shown score.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] Jumpingspiderman@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Feed the body to pigs.

[-] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago

Mixed feelings because I want to share the correct method but doing so could prevent justice from being served.

Instead, just go with that pig method, I'm sure butchering a human body wont create piles of evidence on every surface, and truly pigs are magical machines that leave no trace in what goes in for what comes out.

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 12 points 4 hours ago

Prop him up beside the jukebox. Fill his boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in his hand... Nobody will even suspect he's dead!

[-] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Consider finding yourself a "pickup man" with a 6-foot bed that never has to be made. Perfect size for your needs.

[-] Hobo@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago
[-] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

Compost bin

[-] ulterno@lemmy.kde.social 9 points 6 hours ago

Depends upon what your are hiding it from.

If the white male is a human and understands your language, maybe you can convince it to hide - in your closet / behind a tree / under a bed / behind some bushes etc.

[-] A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 12 points 9 hours ago

If I answer that, then you'll find all the other ones.

[-] Cyberbatman@lemmings.world 27 points 12 hours ago

Very obvious...You hide the body at the cemetery

wait I've never thought about this

[-] DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 hours ago

Just tow it outside of the environment

[-] aulin@lemmy.world 3 points 6 hours ago
[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 5 hours ago

No, no, no, it was towed beyond the environment. It’s not in the environment.

[-] Schmeckinger@lemmy.world 9 points 15 hours ago

We do a bit of pension fraud

[-] Mio@feddit.nu 2 points 11 hours ago

Move it to heaven or hell.

[-] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 54 points 23 hours ago

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[-] ben_dover@lemmy.ml 4 points 6 hours ago

Someone else posted the same comment 4 hours before.

[-] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 5 points 11 hours ago

I'm not sure how I didn't notice that but thanks.

[-] PenisDuckCuck9001@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

I think getting teeth out of a dead body's skull would be more difficult and shittier than sifting through the pig shit afterwards.

Sixteen pigs? Farm animals are expensive and so are farms. I don't doubt pigs are a good way to dispose of a body but if you're that well off, surely there are even more foolproof methods available.

[-] BigPotato@lemmy.world 8 points 13 hours ago

Someone has never seen Snatch, have they?

[-] teamevil@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

Nails...the pigs don't digest nails

[-] rimmedalpha@lemmynsfw.com 16 points 22 hours ago

Second best monolog in that movie. The Desert Eagle vs Replica scene is still my favorite.

[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago

I like the part when Brad Pitt says "aslkdjhgfaledkjfhgawserlfkjhawuigh?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[-] phoenixz@lemmy.ca -4 points 9 hours ago

So you call yourself fuxk spez yet you kust copy/paste your comments from older comments in the same thread?

[-] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 5 points 9 hours ago

I copied and pasted my comment from IMDb and then discovered someone else had already posted it. If I was that lazy I wouldn't have bothered removing the other person's line breaks.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago

Just tell him "hey, aren't they serving dinner at the home soon? I heard it's Jello night!" and he'll leave.

[-] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 84 points 1 day ago

Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.

You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.

They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

[-] ChillPill@lemmy.world 39 points 1 day ago

Well, thank you for that. That's a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?

[-] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 5 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

That's a quote from the movie Snatch

[-] Empricorn@feddit.nl 10 points 11 hours ago

Vinny: "Well, thank you for that. That's a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?"

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0208092/characters/nm0285495

[-] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

Well, that's just painful.

load more comments (5 replies)
[-] Lemminary@lemmy.world 15 points 23 hours ago

I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it's a shitpost everyone's ok with sharing their expertise. 😂

[-] Zozano@lemy.lol 6 points 17 hours ago

New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you're being ironic.

[-] Spoilt@jlai.lu 49 points 1 day ago

"light mode"

Well done, you have managed to dazzle the blind.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
432 points (97.8% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

26254 readers
3418 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS