this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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For example workplace harrasment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored because the victim is male but if it where to happen to a woman by a male the male would be fired

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[–] TheBananaKing@lemmy.world 217 points 3 months ago (8 children)

Cut bits of a girl baby's genitals: jail.

Cut bits off a boy baby's genitals: An occasion for a fucking party.

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[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 211 points 3 months ago (9 children)

As a guy who's trying dating again, there's something that keeps coming up that kinda bugs me: talking to women who just put in the bare minimum of effort, expect me to carry the conversation and make all the first moves.

I don't give two shits about traditional gender roles and I'm all about subverting them. However, I think if you're in the same boat but still wanna call yourself a "passenger princess" and expect the guy to do everything, you're kind of a hypocrite.

[–] TonyOstrich@lemmy.world 64 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Just want to let you know that you aren't alone. I have talked to a number of women who advocate for things like DEI and acceptance (which is something I also believe quite strongly in) but often default to preferring more traditional gender norms in dating. When pressed on the issue (not like I'm interrogating them just through normal conversations and getting to know them) they will inevitably say that it is ultimately "just their preference".

What I find so odd about that "preference" is if a man behaves in accordance with the traditional/societal gender norms in the beginning of the courting process, why is it surprising that they do the same thing later in the relationship when it comes to sharing emotional labor or various types of household chores?

I know the below is taking it to a bit of an extreme example but that behavior and "preference" often reminds me the sentiment "the only moral abortion is my abortion". Like I get it, there are a lot of shitty people out there who have no interest in putting in the effort, and they absolutely are not worth the time and effort, but when you do meet someone who is willing to put in that effort, it isn't really fair to treat them like all those other people.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 25 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Men are in a kind of catch-22. Women say they want one thing but their actions usually say they want the opposite.

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[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 45 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I've got a theory that women put more effort into dating apps than we think. It's just spread across so many more people.

[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 49 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Oh yeah, I've seen the other side of things through female friends. They generally have the opposite problem as men.

I'd heard about guys doing stupid shit on dating apps like sending unsolicited dick pics or just going straight for sexual stuff and figured it was maybe a "yeah it happens once in a while" kinda thing, because I'd personally never do something like that. But in fact it seems like a large portion of the interactions are just that bad.

So I can understand not putting in a lot of effort initially. Starting with small talk and making sure it's not a waste of your time. I do the exact same thing.

But even after it feels like I've started to establish a rapport with someone, the conversation still can feel incredibly one-sided. It's like, okay, at this point you're just kinda being disrespectful. And it happens over and over again.

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[–] Jackthelad@lemmy.world 41 points 3 months ago (4 children)

This kind of thing drives me mad.

If we both like each other, why don't we communicate like adults instead of playing some stupid game?

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[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 135 points 3 months ago (3 children)

In favor of men: when we get angry, people listen. When women get angry, people stop listening.

Against men: men being around children is seen as suspect. Women being around children is seen as healthy.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 66 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Dude. I was at an MLB baseball game about a year ago. It was the 6th inning. I walked into the bathroom while play is still going on. I specifically picked that time because it was the other team at bat, and not their best hitters. My logic was "nobody will be in the bathroom, but nothing will happen in the game either! I'm so smart for going to pee now!"

I walk into the bathroom. First thing I see is a row of about 20 urinals, and deadset in the middle is a 5 year old boy with his pants around his ankles. Bare ass on display. No parent in sight.

I walked in, saw that, walked right back out. Like Aberaham Simpson when he walked into the strip club and saw Bart.

I was like noooooooope. I am NOT going to be in that room when the dad comes in. Even if I'm 10 urinals away. I can wait to pee in the 7th inning, and totally abandon my amazing pee stratagy.

Last thing I need is a protective parent walking in, and asking why I'm in the room with a bare assed 5 year old. Even if nothing happened. I'll just wait an inning.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 37 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Your country is bizarre 😅 in europe: who the hell cares? Everyone pees.

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[–] Uncle_Abbie@lemmy.today 121 points 3 months ago (2 children)

One of the two presidential candidates has five children with three different partners. The coverage of that fact would be very different it it were the female.

[–] Waldowal@lemmy.world 97 points 3 months ago (3 children)

This is going to be my new way to antagonize conservatives I know:

ME: Did you know Harris has had 5 kids with 3 different partners?!

MORON: I don't doubt it. She's a whore!

ME: Oh sorry, I meant Trump.

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[–] Ekybio@lemmy.world 114 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (6 children)

Men are often expected to swallow their emotions and just "function", while women are allowed and even encouraged to display them openly

[–] insaneinthemembrane@lemmy.world 58 points 3 months ago (6 children)

That's a funny one because men are celebrated for suppressing emotions and women are penalisd for showing them.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 36 points 3 months ago (8 children)

Its sort of crazy how there's no real effort to help people develop their emotional intelligence as a kid or beyond. It should be like no later than grade 1 or 2 where people learn about their feelings and setting limits with people.

So many parents gasp at the idea of their child actually having boundaries that are to be respected because muh dominion or they never learned about it themselves and aren't open to everyone simply being more observant and respectful of them

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[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 100 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (29 children)

Well, for one, the ability to freely talk about issues specific to their gender without judgement by ~20% of the population

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[–] spacecadet@lemm.ee 94 points 3 months ago (21 children)

One that constantly comes up between me and my partner is fashion related. She is very liberal but when it comes to our relationship is the exact opposite. She buys everything from lacy thongs and g-strings to boy shorts underwear. She hates that I as a man wear thong and bikini underwear, too. I’m athletic, lift and workout 5 days a week, and get hot very easily. I like the support and minimalism of thongs for that, but she always buys me boxers which are uncomfortable and bunch up and all the extra fabric and cotton makes me hot and sweaty and chafe. When I bring up she wears thongs just do she doesn’t have panty lines and I wear them for comfort and support she doesn’t understand. She also mentioned she thinks guys wearing thongs is weird but then says it’s so “brave” when gay guys do it during pride. I once called her out and homophobic for assuming it’s a fetishized gay guys only thing and she got mad, but am I wrong?

[–] protist@mander.xyz 41 points 3 months ago (2 children)

You're definitely not wrong. If she's willing to undermine or criticize your clothes preference after you've already told her why you like them and you don't want to change, what else is she willing to undermine?

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[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 78 points 3 months ago

Domestic violence against men is usually ignored or blamed on the victim.

[–] Technus@lemmy.zip 75 points 3 months ago (24 children)

Here's another thing that I was just reminded of in this very thread, lmfao:

Men are expected to accept unsolicited advice at face value when they want to vent, because we're supposed to be the ones with all the answers, and if a man is complaining about a problem, then he's obviously just missing the answer.

This actually blew up my last relationship, right at the beginning of the pandemic, when my girlfriend at the time was stressed from being laid off and we weren't able to see each other due to the isolation orders.

She would try to vent to me about her problems, looking for support in a time of emotional vulnerability, and I, an inexperienced idiot just trying to be helpful, would suggest solutions that I thought she hadn't considered. If you can't guess exactly how that went, you've almost certainly never been in a serious relationship.

What made it worse is she would then say to stop mansplaining, which made me defensive because I thought she was tacitly accusing me of being intentionally misogynistic when I was honestly just trying to be helpful. At the time, I figured I just needed to adjust my approach a little bit, not completely change course. Unsurprisingly, that didn't work.

It was only in hindsight, some time after she had dumped my dumb ass, and I had blocked and deleted her number, that I was complaining to my friends and getting the exact same kind of thing back that I realized, "oh wow, I get it now, that is actually really fucking annoying and invalidating."

It was also around this time, while discussing my experiences with friends who have been diagnosed, that I realized that I might have ADHD. So that definitely hadn't helped.

In the extremely unlikely event you're reading this, K, I'm sorry. I figured out what I did wrong, just a little too late.

[–] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 51 points 3 months ago (2 children)

It's not entirely on you. Accusing you of mansplaining is not cool, she should've just said something like "i'm sharing this because I'm looking for emotional support, not solutions, so please stop trying to solve my problems when I'm just venting".

In a sense, how people react to having problems shared with them is a cultural difference, neither is right or wrong but they can be jarring and confusing when you're used to one culture but interact with a different one. But it's not fair to just assume the other culture is acting in bad faith

[–] ChlkDstTtr@lemmy.world 28 points 3 months ago

With my brother I’ve started asking “are you looking for advice or do you just want someone to vent to?”. I think most people can do better playing both roles.

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[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 72 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No one calls a woman a babysitter or says she's "giving dad a break" when she's somewhere with her own children.

[–] Meltrax@lemmy.world 42 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm about 30. I have friends my age with young (toddler) daughters. They've had the police called on them walking with their own child. I've had the police called on me watching their daughter for them (these are friends I've had for 12 years, I'm basically her uncle).

Men are assumed to be predators if they are near children.

[–] Ragnarok314159@sopuli.xyz 38 points 3 months ago

I used to take my twin daughters to the park and we would have daddy day while their mom was at work swing shifts.

We had pizza at the park, and it worked out because changing their diapers on a shitty blanket was easier than fumbling around on a bench since no one thought to put a diaper tray in any of the men’s restrooms.

Had the police called on me a few times. Never did they take the call seriously after showing up. One female officer told a Karen that she is annotating this as a fraud call because anyone with half a brain would realize it’s a dad eating pizza with his kids rather than a kidnapper molesting children in public.

Mom changes a diaper? No one cares.

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[–] Varyk@sh.itjust.works 71 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (23 children)

doing oppositely gendered activities.

my girlfriend can change the oil in her car and lifts weights?

cool. healthy.

i can sew my own clothes and bake?

Weird. Creepy.

[–] CaptSneeze@lemmy.world 39 points 3 months ago (7 children)

i can sew my own clothes and bake?

Weird. Creepy.

Hard disagree. I wish I knew how (and had the time to) make my own clothes. And, who doesn’t love baked goods? These both sound awesome.

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[–] JIMMERZ@lemm.ee 33 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, I was in Costco buying new cookie sheets and an old lady said it was so nice that I was helping out. Lady, they’re for me, I’m the baker here.

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 57 points 3 months ago (4 children)

Clothes in general, I could borrow my husband's shirt and nobody would bat an eye but I'd he borrowed mine (he can't because I'm smaller, but assuming we were the same size-ish) would look strange.

I don't think groping is gonna be ignored in any workplace, in any direction.

[–] TheGalacticVoid@lemm.ee 29 points 3 months ago

I've read enough accounts from both men and women to know that sexual harassment is not taken seriously at many places.

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 23 points 3 months ago (1 children)

In some workplaces it's even ignored in both directions. At last, true gender equality! /s

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[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 53 points 3 months ago (3 children)

ITT about male victims of sexism-based double-standard, we see

  • stories of female victims
  • downvoting stories of male victims
  • the top-voted post about how men can't speak up for fear of being shouted down

Wow, Lemmy. Be better than Reddit.

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[–] RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 50 points 3 months ago (2 children)

In dating or marriage: If a female partner criticizes on her male’s choice of outfit, it’s totally normal. If a male criticizes the choice of outfit of his female partner… a fight is imminent.

[–] Summzashi@lemmy.one 28 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship to me instead of a double standard but whatever.

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[–] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 28 points 3 months ago

Insane expectations being placed on women around beauty and appearance, and the resulting insecurities that creates, play a big role in this

[–] SeattleRain@lemmy.world 45 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Being held culpable for the brutality some powerful men wield against women because of the "patriarchy". But also being at fault when women with power exploit or abuse men.

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[–] JovialMicrobial@lemm.ee 42 points 3 months ago (4 children)

This comes from my own observations, and might not be a popular take, but men are often encouraged or celebrated for having multiple partners and not using protection.

This attitude puts men(especially young men) at risk for STI's, some of which can affect fertility even if a course of antibiotics will take care of it. Others don't have cures yet, or are not as easy to treat like herpes, the different hepatitis strains, HIV, genital warts ect.

This attitude towards sex for men puts their health at risk and their partners.

The amount of times I've seen dudes encourage each other to not use condoms is kinda distressing. I don't think guys are being educated on how a condom should fit and how to find the right size. They shouldn't be uncomfortable. If they are try a different kind.

Women often have to try different birth control pills until they find one with minimal side effects. Try different condoms until you find the right ones for you. It's to protect your dick from diseases, not just to stop pregnancy.

Take care of yourselves guys. Your health is important.

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[–] nondescripthandle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 36 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Everyone says to talk about your problems but the second you do, you're told that women either have it worse or how they have some worse problem. I've largely stopped talking about my problems because I'm never heard, just talked past or worse, made out to be the problem. The older I get the more reinforced my silence is because evey time I open up it's used against me and this is just normal.

Meanwhile I'm expected to play therapist when someone else talks about their problems and I have to stop my autistic ass from telling them I really don't want to hear about you. I can't even get the silence I give returned to me.

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[–] Meltrax@lemmy.world 32 points 3 months ago (2 children)

If you're a dude and your older female boss forces you to have sex with her under threat of losing your job, everyone just says "that's awesome what's the problem?".

[–] Ragnarok314159@sopuli.xyz 47 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I had a professor do this to me. Was an adult going to night school, in my last year. She was about ten years older than me and we hit it off in a way I assumed was a professional student/teacher relationship. Had this with other professors as well.

She told me to meet her at a hotel once, thought she was joking and when I didn’t show was furious. Told her it just seemed odd, and she told me she is getting another one this weekend and not to worry about it, but if I didn’t show there would be consequences.

Through a lot of double speak she let me know if it didn’t happen, there would be no graduation for me. Not knowing what to do, bought a pack of condoms and showed up to the hotel. “No, we aren’t using those”. And that was several of my weekends until graduation. There was zero possibility of saying no, and no one to complain to. I can tell the story online and that’s about it.

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[–] protist@mander.xyz 32 points 3 months ago (3 children)

"For example workplace harassment by women towards males like touching or groping being ignored"

This is absolutely not a double standard in society in most workplaces. I've never encountered an HR department that wouldn't take this extremely seriously. I'm not saying those HR depts don't exist, but they're certainly not the norm

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[–] Clbull@lemmy.world 28 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (7 children)

Some good examples:

  • Fat acceptance and body positivity. Obesity is glorified (even fetishized) when it's a woman, whereas obese men are shunned. Have you noticed that nobody in the fat acceptance movement is vouching for the 300lb basement dwellers?

  • Older ladies who date younger guys are called cougars, whereas if you flip the gender roles, an older man dating a younger lady half his age is going to be labelled a pedophile, even if she's of-age. Just look at at the anger surrounding Tobey Maguire (48 years old) dating a 20 year old actress. There are people who legitimately think men like him should be hunted for sport.

  • The amount of effort you have to put into your dating profile. Women have the opposite problem of being inundated with matches even with minimal effort.

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