The correct answer is an unlucky sentient manhole cover, that incidentally was thinking “Oh no, not again”.
Love the HH reference, but you're the second person to mention a manhole cover. What's the story there?
If I recall correctly the fastest object ever was a manhole cover after an explosion. If it was sentient then it would be the fastest creature.
BRB, going to look up the incedent.
Edit: Here you go
During the Pascal-B nuclear test of August 1957, a 900-kilogram (2,000 lb) iron lid was welded over the borehole to contain the nuclear blast, despite Brownlee predicting that it would not work. When Pascal-B was detonated, the blast went straight up the test shaft, launching the cap into the atmosphere at a speed of more than 66 km/s (41 mi/s; 240,000 km/h; 150,000 mph). The plate was never found. Scientists believe compression heating caused the cap to vaporize as it sped through the atmosphere.
A one ton iron vent cap (sewer plate) moved so fast it vaporized. Iron into gas, just add velocity in atmo. That's so fucking cool.
No, it was clearly not cool, hence the vaporization.
Here you go! It’s a fun read.
the nuclear blast ended up having a yield 50,000 times greater than predicted
That's what's known in the industry as "an oopsie". Almost at the "snafu" threshold over which it would be likely to cause a brouhaha.
It was within their safety factor of 50,001
I love how they get less happy the more pedantic they're being XD
Their hair also slowly shifts upwards, as they charge their super Saiyan power
Therapist: what do you think the fastest animal is?
The water bears that are hanging out on the Parker Solar Probe.
Every physicist I met was in some way unhinged. One had delusions of grandeur, second couldn’t bare his feet in any circumstances, another one would pause lecture every ten minutes to go into his room from which indescribable sounds would come.
It’s probably the unbearable awareness of vastness of space that does a number on you. I wonder if they have any pills for that
Dried frog pills, probably. I've been told if you take one you can hallucinate that you're sane, which is probably close enough for the average physicist.
GNU Terry Pratchett
Strong stuff indeed. I doubt there are many who could handle that ride
the cricket that rode the nuclear man hole cover
Philosopher: that depends on the situation.
I figured a biologist would say Mantis Shrimp.
They're not very fast, they just move their claws very fast
Ship computer in Star Trek: "please specify search parameters."
So, all creatures on earth, as seen from the center of the galaxy?
The humans in the satellite still win, in that case, about half of the time.
The rest of the time it's probably one of the falcons.
As seen from the any point at the edge of the observable universe
Which edge? One where our local galaxy cluster is blueshifting towards or redshifting away from?
Akshully I’m pretty sure the edge of the observable universe is redshifted to infinity everywhere by definition
They would all be fast, but still only one will be the fastest.
If there were alien life, would this change the answer? since the question is “animal” and the kingdom of animals is a taxonomic classification of stuff on earth, I would assume the answer still remains the same
Or as seen from photons traveling away from us.
Philosopher: Fast at what?
Hedgehog. I know about all about youth culture and the "Sonic is a hedgehog" games.
Mantis shrimp.
The shit accelerates…
The slowest animal would be a guy driving west across siberia into europe at 500mph or something
Found the physicist
My cat when I sneeze.
🙀
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