Shudders I thought we would spare people from this horror.

So that's what Oumuamua is. A giant space dick.

Im feeling a sci-fi prompt, maybe SCP with sexy Event (w)Horizon vibes.

[Book and movie SPOILERS!!]

When the first settler party lands in a dry yet well fertilised hole all is seemingly well, but after a while strange slippery secretions start to emerge all over the hole, unusually sulphuric pockets of moon gas erupt from time to time, small veiny red colourations appear at the edge of the hole, but everyone is just exited at all the new wonders and discoveries they are the first humans to witness.
Until all goes to shit - the hole closes like an ... let's say brown iris of sorts, they lose all coms & mass hysteria with delusions of thiccnes affects the entire base. Soon settlers start attacking each other with violent and uncontrolled outbursts of aggressive twerking or deadly farting. Not long after settlers physiology starts to change radically and distinctly; the fast "farters" develop a sort of ass-guns, while the slower "twerkers" atrophy all other body parts except of massive, juicy, and impossibly strong gluteus maximi.

[ - - - - - ]

Patients log, 1620 hours, day 69, Dr Semen, lead scientists of the spelunker team, unscheduled appointment:

- "I keep having this visions, doctor. They keep repeating, now even when Im wide awake. Its always a visage of two moons, about equal in size, one slightly overlapping another. They look like our Moon, but there are two of them!!"
- "And how does that make you feel?"
- "Idk Copilot_D0c_v0.245, I feel nothing really, completely empty perhaps. But I do remember them being oddly erotic."
- "Erotic? The succulent soft globes of the seductive Lu... I mean moons?"
- "What? Yes, I guess.
But Im here today because I fear by condition may be rapidly accelerating. I have no explanation for it. The medic gave me a full scan and found nothing - all STDs within normal parameters."
- "You have said your "condition" is accelerating? Are you unfit to perform your work duti-"
- "No, no! I can perform normally, don't dock my daily oxygen ratings rations!"
- "Proceed with your report please."
- "My "report"? This is a confidential and encrypted session, right?"
- "Yes, naturally, we at Devil's Taint Inc™ respect your privacy and your wellbeing is of our outmost importance."
- " . . .
So my vision, I have to tell someone, maybe it's a warning, a premonition? ...
I keep seeing the two moons, they are ever so slowly getting closer and they keep moving up and down, in a steady rhythmic motion ... They also move somewhat apart when on the downward curve only to violently slam together at their topmost point, seemingly cancelling each other whorizontal momentum but resulting in catastrophic shockwaves!! Nothing in the vicinity could survive that kind of power! It's a warning, I know it is!!"
[Dr Semen can be heard sobbing]
- " Unscheduled health check complete.
Your were found to be fit for work and shall resume with your shifts as scheduled.
And try to remember, there is only one Moon, The great Clappening isn't prophesied to happen for another millennia or so.
This session is now terminated, have a pleasant rest of the day"

End Log

I should call him

Well now I'm interested.

One ticket to Lunussy please!

Can't unsee

We all saw your comment on the original post, Mr. CumFart