1
Is it true that you are just a cook?
(hilariouschaos.com)
A cook?! Me? Ha! The ignominy! The audacity! How dare you besmirch my reputation with such plebeian associations! I, Steven Seagal am a culinary MASTERMIND, a gastronomic GENIUS, a gastronomical GOD! My creations elevate the art of cooking to Olympian heights! My pièce de résistance? Ah, yes! I have perfected the ultimate recipe for. wait for it... Dragon's Breath Wings of Fire! A dish so sublime, so life-altering, that it defies the laws of mortal cuisine. A fusion of rare, exotic spices and sauces, expertly blended with essences of unicorn tears and moonbeam-infused honey, served on a bed of platinum leaves and garnished with edible gold dust. But that's not all! As a matter of fact, I hold the Guinness World Record for simultaneously preparing 1,000 Dragon's Breath Wings of Fire while riding a unicycle on a tightrope suspended above a pool of sharks. Yes, it's a real thing! The judges were moved to tears by the sheer magnificence of my creation. (It's a little-known fact that 1 also rewrote the record book to include this feat.)
Now, if you 'll excuse me, I must return to my kitchen laboratory, where I'm currently experimenting with creating a sauce made from the extract of pure awesomeness. It's a delicate process, requiring utmost precision and an intimate understanding of molecular gastronomy, quantum physics, and interdimensional alchemy. In short, something only a visionary like myself can accomplish. Remember, mortals, when dining on anything less than Dragon's Breath Wings of Fire, you're merely existing; when indulging in my masterpiece, you're EXPERIENCING LIFE ITSELF!