The best way to be miserable in life is to compare yourself to others. Just do your best, thats all that matters

Everything comes with a cost. To be successful in one area means missing out in others. Everyone likes to post their success on Facebook or LinkedIn, but they also don't post about all the evenings spent arguing with their wife or missing out on their children growing up or whatever. Success is not easily defined.

Most people like to keep things balanced, as in not having extreme losses in one area, but that also means that they're not successful in something particular. That kind of balance is a success in itself, though it's rather invisible.

You're not supposed to do anything in your life. When the grim reaper comes along you won't be able to bring it along.

You're not dead. Be successful in whatever you want.

The best time to make a change in your life was 10 years ago, the second best time is now.

Don't base your happiness on your achievements as compared to others. Life isn't deterministic, every person is working with a different set of skills and circumstances. Set your own goals based on what you want to do, and work toward that.

If you don't know what you want to do, start trying new things.

This idea that we have to be "productive" with our time is perhaps the biggest source of human suffering, not just for ones who feel guilty for not being productive, but also the overly ambitious psychos who force their "greatness" on everyone else (just think of tyrants who want to rule over others to make a name for themselves).

Not really. After having been through some deaths and illnesses of people close to me, every normal day is a good day to me. No news is good news, I can live my life quietly and how I want.

As for success in life, if I take care of myself, try not to make things around me worse, and try to help others I'm pretty happy with that. In my work we make a few products from scratch so I feel like I contribute to society.

As the saying goes, life is a marathon, and not a race. I spent my 20's feelings very sorry for myself as a result of sheltered upbringing and a lack of ambition. However, please bear in mind that the people you hear about on the news are a very small minority, and not a median representative, and that many of them had resources that they did not disclose in order to curate a favorable image

It’s not just you, it’s all of us. But what people really regret when they are facing the end is perhaps different from your fears as expressed here.

Five wishes of the dying:

1. “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish I had let myself be happier”

From The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware

Life has no purpose. You cannot waste it. You only live and die. Do what you want, or don't. It doesn't matter.

I’ve improved my life quite a lot but it’s hard to give advice to others.

The comparison mindset is really bad though. It literally doesn’t matter what another monkey on this planet does. Your thoughts about how to improve your life are ones you have to discuss with yourself (maybe guided by a therapist). There is no wrong way to live but you have to make the choice on how you want to.

When you look at someone else’s life, you only see the Highlights Reel. You don’t hear about all the boring in between moments, their struggles with imposter syndrome and insecurities, their relational arguments or troubles with their family, all the BS.

Life isn’t about keeping up.

It’s a parlor trick, magically coming into existence for a fraction of a moment in this infiniteness of time and space. The best thing we can do is cherish the miracle and squeeze the most happiness for the time we have. It’s respecting life.

For some, that means service to others. For others, it’s patenting science projects. And then there’s those that find it in an honest job, being good to people they love, and exploring hobbies from time to time.

Happiness is definitely not a contest. Especially one that you put yourself through fully knowing you won’t win.

But if you feel like you need more value in your life, it’s never too late to do something new.

There can only be so many people with impressive achievements in a world of 8 billion people that deserves to be recorded in the history books. And then you should think about the millions and millions of people lost to history and prehistory (pre writing) period that have left this world with barely a trace of even the city that they and thousands of their community occupied. So many people completely and totally lost to time.

When I think about it like that, I realize it's my ego making me feel bad for not "accomplishing" something when there's so few of us who get to alter the thread of civilization.

Eh I wasted a lot of time in my 20s could've been more aggressive about a career/family compared to other people... but I'm not other people. Think I needed that time to figure my own head out

I feel the same way a lot, but I realize that the negative feelings are what I associate with my life, not a true reflection of how my life has been.

Maybe I haven't done all the things I've dreamed or used my days effectively; why does that matter in the end? I've been lucky enough to afford a home, food, a loving pet, create friendships, experience love.

Also I tend to underestimate the accomplishments I have done. Having your eyes set on the horizon can cause you to miss the shells in the sand.

In 100 years, very few of those people will be remembered. In 1000 years very, very few of them will have had a tangible, lasting impact on the world.

We are meaningless specs of dust in the universe. Don't hold yourself accountable to imaginary standards being set by the rare few that manage to create a footprint a microcosim larger than the spec of dust they are. Enjoy yourself and create as much joy as you can in your tiny corner of reality as possible, and you'll have lived a damn good life.

Funny...as I age I tend to have a similar view. But we're told hindsight is 20/20. The one motivating factor for me is the fact that a lot of what I have accomplished has made a difference to those who have shared in it. Which, to me, means we're doing incredible things people envy just at a different scale. Besides..there may not be a tomorrow, but there is always a today to do something better.

Nah. I look back at Tesla. One of the greatest people to have blessed our planet. Certainly among the top if not the top inventor to have existed. But I don't envy any part of his life.

How about Turing? Another great example. The father of computer science and AI. A great person too. One of the most accomplished human beings, even back when he was alive. I don't envy any part of his life.

I sure have picked unfortunate examples. But these should highlight how success alone isn't enough. I don't think life satisfaction lies in obtaining more, but rather wanting less. If you observe well, you'll notice people living very simple lives and being very happy while at it. How about the wealthiest person, Musk. Does he look satisfied with life and happy? I don't think a happy person would behave that way.

If you have so little, then perhaps you can afford greater risks. If you can't afford greater risks, then perhaps you don't have so little.

I feel you.

I'm in my forties. Lost my job a few months back and it's been a harsh realization that I'm a failure at everything I've ever done.

I don't have any real advice, hell I can't figure my own shit out either. I just want you to know if you need to vent you've got people who understand.

Wasted? I've browsed more dank memes than all of my ancestors combined.

Starting my life from scratch in late twenties again. Learned 99% about life in the past couple of solitary nothing-to-do years, or I'll just say, my thinking/ doing has changed completely. Now, I'm having a hard time relating to things other people relate to. Spending a lot of time alone surely is life changing. When you start to believe in nothing, you have a hard time dealing with people.

I was lucky in this regard, to have someone who has the drive to create and do things as my roommate. And also another roommate, who was the exact opposite - your standard "go to work, and then watch netflix all the time". First of all, seeing the contrast between those two was eye opening.

And second, the drive is infectious. I usually don't manage to find the motivation to do things on my own, and tend to procrastrinate. But having someone who has the drive, and just joining his projects, will get you the motivation. The best advice for life I can give to anyone is to surround themselves with people who have hobbies you want to have, to join communities and offer help as a volunteer with running it (this is important - don't just join as a lurker, but as a volunteer). Sure, you may not be good at it - but you're no longer doing it for yourself, which will usually end with me giving it up - but the community depends on you. And that's something that helped me tremendously with learning new things, or just getting out and doing something.

Thanks to that, we have a indie studio that is working on a game in our free time. I'm also helping with organizing and DJing at events for our smaller music subculture, because I just offered my help to volunteer and help with it, which has also prompted me to start learning how to do stage lighting, so I can make the parties better - which was a hobby I wanted to do, but never found the motivation. I was volunteering at gamedev conferences, where I've met amazing people that eventually landed me a job, while also not having to pay the ticket for the conference. I have joined a group that organizes LARPs, and even though I had basically nothing to offer aside from a pair of hands and my time, just being in the group chat was inspiring - and it's only a matter of time before someone asks "Hey, we need someone to do projection mapping, can anyone do that?", and you'll be like "Never done that, but I can try". And now you're not just doing it for yourself, so you will get better motivation to do that.

So, if you don't have the drive or motivation to do stuff on your own - find someone to do it with, who has the drive, and help him. It is infectious. Everything I now do in my free time, be it stage ligthning, DJing or projection, I had no experience with when I offered my help to the group of organizers that were doing it. Sure, at first the only thing I did was carry stuff from place A to place B, but just being around those people, in their groupchat and part of the planning they do for events, eventually led to the "I've never done that, but I can try learning it". And if it doesn't work? Well, in cases like that I was the only one willing to try, so the alternative would be to not have the thing in the first place, and if I said "Hey, I tried, it's not gonna work", then nothing was lost.

Also - watch this video. While it's not exactly about finding motivation, it shows that it's ok to not be the guy coming up with ideas, but the world needs more people who are willing to help the people with drive and motivation and embrace their thing.

Now it's my turn to tell you basically what a lot of people here have already said, but maybe you can get something extra out of this telling.

Everyone who was mega-successful, in old age or young, has had a huge advantage somewhere that people rarely talk about. There are no exceptions to this, only cases where those advantages are lost to time or secrecy. And nearly every time, family wealth is involved in some way. Usually directly, but even if they never got a penny, being in a wealthy family brings you so many casual advantages.

You're comparing yourself to people who were dealt winning hands from the start. Like, a kid who gets a patent at a young age? Someone was coaching them, possibly someone with an agenda. Invents a new plastic? Uh-huh, at what age did they get into polymer chemistry? Who even told them polymer chemistry even existed? There's something else going on there. Don't let the media gaslight you into thinking you're "behind."

It's okay to be you! It's not a race, and even if it was, the people you're comparing yourself to had a gigantic head start.

TLDR - focus more on what you have control over

I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people

Same.

How did you deal with this?

One thing that helps is trying to avoid that kind of information, whenever possible. The less you know about something that bothers you, the less it ends up bothering you. Still on that page, another thing that kind of helps me deal with it is knowing that a good portion of those "30 under 30" from Forbes might be grifts or scams, like Elizabeth Holmes, Sam Bankman Fraud and Charlie Javice.

Another thing that helps me cope is knowing that this whole pressure for overachieving is cultural poison. It's the same shit those NLP quantic coaches peddle, a way to blame YOU for not having an amazing life, full of riches and recognition, because YOU didn't try hard enough. An easy, culturally acceptable way to look down on people with deadend jobs or unemployed.

I don’t like the way the things are

Me neither and, like you, I don't have the means to change shit. Apes alone weak. But, like the TLDR, you have to focus more on what you CAN do, even if small and irrelevant. That's still on you and that's your part.

The funny thing is that the older I get, the more I understand why huge communities can make everyone feel so lonely. You live somewhere close to, say, 20 families, but barely know 2, despite being physically close to where they sleep. How weird is that? All those closed doors and passing sights create a huge disconnect with people that you should care about, because they're so close to where you live that their lives can directly affect yours.

What's the point of people inventing all this cool stuff if nobody else sits down to enjoy the improvements though? Think of all the people who are actively RUINING the world right now. As long as you're not one of them, its all good.

My one friend, Rob Antecki, was a scientist and musician on the verge of working towards a treatment to prolong the human life-span, maybe even eventually ending the aging process. He worked his life whole towards that goal! Then one day in his late 40's, he was coming home from the fundraiser for his new biotech startup and whammo, hit another car, died on the spot. He never achieved his goal of ending aging or got his music app company going. His business partners will be lucky if they can even salvage his work because its so high level few people on the planet can understand it.

There's like 10 billion people in the world. If you try to measure yourself against everyone else, well, that's your choice, but there's always a bigger fish. There's also some people who begin the race farther ahead with more money, more connections, family of legacy, etc. Success is not the measure of a soul's worth or a life's pursuit. To better oneself though, it is a noble goal. That is not connected to changing the world, only changing yourself.

I have thought that way before.

But nowadays I have a different perspective. I've got everything I need to be happy, and that's enough for me.

You're not going to be obsessing over all your career achievements on your deathbed, you're just going to wish you had spent more time with loved ones.

I'm a father.

I know that life is fleeting. Consider it a success if you're remembered in 2 generations after you pass.

Am I saying "have kids"? No. I just know that what I taught to them will be passed on. Even if my name was lost, my contribution wasn't.

We live on by what we pass on. You're not a failure when you stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. If one idea continues, so do you.

If the world was a better place for having had you in it, even by so much as a single smile, then your life is not wasted.

If not, there's still time to do something about that.

1. Comparison is the thief of joy.
2. The relationship between hard work and success is tenuous at best.

Your mentality is fucked up IMO. You don't need to keep up with anyone. Just do what you think you can. Live your life instead of chasing someone else's.

unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure

You do realize your whole life is temporary, right? The way you phrased that makes it seem like sitting down to listen to your favourite songs is a waste of time.

This is what happens when you grow up with boomers in your ear, yelling at you to get a job and make a family. They insist that's what life is about. But it's not. Life is about being happy. When it boils down to it, that's all we really want. Even terrible people do what they do because it makes them happy.

I'm only just taking my baby steps out of this mindset. I learned I can do things no one else around me can. Some may not be marketable skills, but that's not always necessary.

I don't work. Thanks to autistic burnout, I'm a shell of my former self. But in that time, I have saved 11 kitten lives and given 3 very short lives happiness they never would have seen otherwise. I've brought kittens from the brink of death by starvation to stocky, healthy kittens who now have loving homes. It takes time and effort to do that. One was so sick from starvation he barely moved, and I got him strong enough to get up and play.

It's not worth any money to have this talent. Not to me anyway. They are all attached to a shelter that makes the money. They make me happy.

It's not about "pacing up" as you say, or making a mark in history. We need those people, but you don't need to be one of them. If everyone made breakthroughs, they wouldn't be as important. The bar would just get set even higher. You make a difference to the people around you. I don't value my life, but I learned to appreciate that other people do value my life, and that's good enough.

This is the result of alienation from your labor that capitalism excells at, get hobbies or start organizing as a way to break out of it.

We don't need to change the entire god damn system to be useful, but at least building towards it is infinitely more rewarding than doing nothing IMO

There is no objective purpose to life. Having a hobby is a popular way to enjoy the limited time available.

Time you've spent enjoying yourself is absolutely not time wasted.

I know what you mean, but keep in mind that you're comparing yourself to everyone that made it. There's over 6 billion people on earth, and you compare yourself to, what, 5 people? 10? 15?

Huge thread, wow.

I know that by thirty years old you know something of what you are aiming at so bear in mind that at that point if you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing you'll feel it. Nothing wrong with that.