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Just a rant
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I empathise with your existentialism. I have had that my whole life as well. It is the root cause of my depressions. "Funny" thing is, that in my country (not America), psychologists are not trained to deal with such issues. As soon as I bring up the concept and talk about the pointlessness of life they say I am too philosophical and they cannot talk about philosophy. And then they go on about e.g. the "self" and "free will" and "self-control" and "responsibility", and when I then point out to them that those concepts are based on philosophical ideas from the era of enlightenment but never scientifically proven to exist, they defend it by saying it is the "norm", I point out to them that a "norm" is by definition non-inclusive. At which point I am labelled "difficult" and "non-cooperative".
Same. They tell me don't try to change things out of my control when their entire view of life is forcefully controlling people to fit their image of what they believe humanity is. Not to mention I grew up around crime and nobody understands that side of life at all. It's like ...oh so I just watch people rob me and let the cops not do anything?.......