this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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I legitimately find it difficult to long term stay annoyed with people who have wronged me. I have close friends and family telling me how ridiculous it is I'm still in touch and friendly with people I used to consider friends but briefly cut them out after they treated me horribly. I can see the logic and feel as though I SHOULD hate certain people for how they've been in the past but I just don't feel any anger or resentment and am quite happy to just forget the past. Is this weird and/or unhealthy?

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[–] Igotz80HDnImWinning@kbin.social 11 points 1 year ago

It makes you a target for abuse, and eventually it will come back to harm you. Usually not holding a grudge or taking pride in forgiveness has to do with what you want to believe about yourself. Most people want to get along with everyone, but going all in on it like you are means you are lying to yourself in some way about the damage it is doing, about how well you actually are succeeding in playing nicey nice with all these people who wronged you, about people’s ability to change. It sounds like you have been lucky so far and not seriously harmed by anyone, but there are people in this world with no conscience who are on the lookout for someone like you and one of them will eventually find you. Ultimately, most people either become more harsh and unfriendly or get good at eliminating really bad people in their lives very quickly so they can continue surrounding themselves with people they can forgive because they’d never do anything to you that risks your life or long-term wellbeing. I recommend the latter, AKA speak softly and carry a big stick.