this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2025
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[–] SnortsGarlicPowder@lemmy.zip 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Not the person you replied to.

That's easy it's not not wanting to come off as a creep. Where do you meet them? I have been told you cannot approach women in the bar, work, gym, through hobbies etc. Only place that is okay is dating apps and they are awful for so many reasons for everyone involved.

You don't want to be creepy so you don't approach people. Then you get people calling you creepy for being lonley.

[–] sykaster@feddit.nl 12 points 1 week ago

I don't think the main message is not approaching women anywhere. I think the main message is actually making friends before making a move. Not just asking someone out.

I've had 2 relationships and am in a happt marriage going on 10 years, and each one started by being friendly and sharing interests, because then it's natural to go do something together sometime.

Don't overcomplicate it, just be friendly and make it natural to spend time together.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Ahhh, yes. Intentionally being on "the hunt". It's a shitty model, it rarely works, and I don't understand why it persists.

This is part of the fallacy that men are fed.

I should probably make a video on the subject, but I doubt people would listen. But the way to meet women is the same way you meet new male friends. How do you do that?

[–] AnyOldName3@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's already a stretch to assume that men complaining about loneliness are happy with the number of male friends that they've got, but it's a bigger stretch to assume that what they did to get their male friends should also get non-male friends. There are still men who haven't realised that women are people and that to befriend them, you need to talk to them as if they're people, but they're not the ones referring to a male loneliness epidemic, and would instead blame conspiracy theories where crazed feminists want to do evil deeds or whatever nonsense it is that the likes of Andrew Tate peddle. Plenty of men just don't meet anyone new, and on the rare occasions when they do, it's when engaging in a male-dominated hobby or at a male-dominated workplace, and so it's another man. E.g. for reasons I don't understand, all the bars near me where it's quiet enough to have a conversation (the bare minimum to befriending someone) are almost exclusively attended by men. After you've shown up a few times, you might be friends with the regulars, but no matter how effectively you make friends with them, they'll still all be men.

You're probably right that no one would listen if you made a video, as anyone who needs to hear the thing you're trying to explain is too entrenched exclusively watching manosphere influencers, and anyone without that kind of terminal brainrot already knows what you're trying to tell them.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Maybe this is the core of what I failed to understand. The male loneliness epidemic isn't about women. We don't have male friends either.

[–] Kacarott@aussie.zone 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It also is more than a male loneliness problem. There has been a fundamental shift in society in the last decade or so, as we get more connected online we seem to be becoming less connected offline.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago

It started with the near complete disappearance of "third place"s.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_place

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

Honestly, I feel this comment.

I generally disagree with the whole "male loneliness epidemic" framing... But this is a legitimate point.