Books

Tess of d'Urbervilles -Thomas Hardy, it's still quite relevant in my country. Not perhaps the more extreme

spoiler

rape victim blaming stuff

(though that still happens in some places) but the overall tone the book takes with mocking religion, the double standards Tess faces, and above all, her internalised misogyny was something I really resonated with. To be fair, my parents were relatively liberal but people pick up subtle sexism in the household nevertheless. So I grew up with some internalised misogyny. I was never very religious either because sexism inherent in nearly all religions made me uncomfortable (though, of course, some people interpret their holy books differently and are welcome to do so - I am not criticising them). So I really liked the book and read it several times just before college, years ago.

Hardy is also a sensitive and deeply emotional writer. I think he really gets women because he has empathy. Most men I know who call themselves feminists take it to be a purely a matter of intellect and common sense, but they show the same curious lack of empathy men usually reserve for women. But Hardy is a feminist because he cares for women, and that makes all the difference. The only other man in literature who I can think of who actually understood women was Sahir Ludhianvi, the Urdu poet, and I like him too.

Some of Sahir Ludhianvi's poetry too. When I was younger I didn't have words for it but when I grew up I realised that I've always kind of been socialist, or at least anti-capitalist without realising it because his poetry and music were common in our house and my values were shaped by his humanism.