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would dating my ex friend be worth it, do you think he could love me and would calm down if i said yes or am i just thinking this out of sadness? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 18 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) by drbollocks@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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i just broke up with my bf who ghosted me bc he realized he's gay (im a woman). i don't even think i like guys but i have this compulsion to ask out my friend who i blocked to have a man that treats me right instead of the other guy that ghosted me, and also to make him happy.

he kept talking about how he could treat me better than anyone else, that i should've ditched my bf for him (obv i said no), and badmouthed not only his gf of a few years since age 16 but also his first time. he left her bc she showed signs of schizophrenia and she blocked all his socials after he left.

he kept guilttripping me when i said i didn't want to be his gf so ik he doesn't care about consent regardless of what he says. he also completely ignored me liking women and acted like i was straight but i feel lonely.

i kinda wanna make him happy and have a bf who pays attention to me but ik i'm probably just saying this out of sadness. we were friends but i had to block.

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[–] FromPieces@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 17 hours ago

You describe the ex friend as pressuring you to dump you (in the past) to dump your (at the time) bf and date him instead. This is a person who doesn't respect your agency or value your happiness.

It's possible he could be a pleasant experience for a little while, but it wouldn't last. He wants to be with you not because he believes he can make you happy--that is the foundation of a worthwhile relationship.

Rather, he wants to be with you because he has fantasies about the person he imagines you are. He doesn't care about who you are, if he did he would care about the relationship you were in and would care about your choice to be in it. He "cares" about who he imagines you are, his fantasy girl who wants him enough to leave her partner. If he were to find out you're a person, a human person who doesn't idolize him, the target of his fantasies would change.