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I have Bipolar 2, and used to feel the same way; why wasn’t anyone helping me? I felt so alone, like I was suffering, but no one wanted to listen.
It’s because after a while, people expect you to get better. People who don’t live with mental disorders don’t understand the plight of those who do. They are not equipped with the tools that professionals have to help us.
Then I got on the right meds that gave me a “boost up”. It took a long time (years) for me to find the right NP who got me on the right regimen that enabled me to function and take that first step.
Ngl, It’s really, really, hard. There are still plenty of days that I come home from work and do nothing for hours on end.
Big factor of my stagnation was my heavy dependence on cannabis. Once I got off of it, I sort of woke up for the first time in years.
TL;DR: You gotta be the change you want to see in yourself. It’s not easy—at all. But you can do this. I believe in you. Sometimes meds are part of that change.
Thanks for the encouragement. I tried drugs before such as those SSRI's but all they did is make me feel even more uncomfortable and mess with my brain chemistry.
For some people this might help to numb their feelings or something but it definitely didn't help for my major depression. I don't think depression is caused by a lack of specific neurotransmitters. It's a core part of my identity and you had to change my personality to get rid of the depression and unfortunately we don't have meds for that..
Mate, you’re deep in it right now. I also felt that it just was who I am. I was convinced that I was meant to feel bad; that the rut I was in was just my nature. But that isn’t what defines me anymore.
It feels like there is no hope and no one willing to help. But I bet deep down you know that it has to start with you. All of the drugs and therapies won’t help you until you wake up one day and decide to make a change.
Do one thing today. Whether that is shower, make your bed, or even just brush your teeth. Do something. That was the start for me. I had to force myself to shower and brush my teeth each day. For a while, that was my one thing I made myself do each day. Then I started doing three things, then four. I hated each step of the way, but eventually, I hated doing these things less.
You can do this. I don’t know you, but I know that you can. Your words eerily echo mine from the past.