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If you had to choose one superpower that you could never turn off, what would it be? (slrpnk.net)

submitted 2 days ago by cumberboi@slrpnk.net to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 8 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

God of Toilet Paper.

You might laugh, but I would own the world.

If you were in my favor, you would get the softest, never-chafing, cleanest single-wipe-clean TP ever. No matter what you ate, no matter how spicy, no matter how ill, you could be assured of pain-free, cooling, soothing, wipes. It would be beautiful. Rainbows and peace, no matter how violent the shit

Piss me off? Anything you choose to clean your backside with is then designated TP. I will clog all the toilets, all the plumbing, all the sewers. I can make it all gympie-gympie leaves, sandpaper, wax paper, or just vanish mid-wipe. No matter how much you wiped your already raw ass, there would still be more. I would be a scourge on the Earth, and all would have to bow down before me. You would love me. You would hate me.

He who controls the comfort of the sphincter, controls the world.