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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dennis5wheel@programming.dev to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

69 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] grue@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

going to HR over this seems ridiculous

It's not.

More to the point, you should do so before he beats you to it, complaining that you're not being a "team player" or something.

[–] MeowZedong@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 1 month ago

Lol, what? WTF kind of advice is this?

NO. You talk him like a peer and respectfully say "stop," you don't run to the fucking work police and try to get his ass in trouble because he's annoying you and you never told him you were annoyed. Why would you complain to HR because someone annoyed you when they don't even know they did it?

Sure, let's just escalate this shit and make his life worse, guarantee he'll be pissed off at you because you didn't react like a reasonable person, you did what the institution that most alienates you from your humanity suggested ( your workplace, complain to HR), and make the entire situation worse than it ever needed to be. Let's just jump to firing the guy while we're at it, because a negative tip to HR for a person in their probationary period might be that anyway!

Fuck off with this advice.

Going to HR at this point in this situation DOES mean you aren't a team player. It's like shooting your teammate's knee out instead of passing the baton if you were running in a relay race.

Talk to the man like a human.