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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dennis5wheel@programming.dev to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] Mothra@mander.xyz -5 points 1 month ago

I would go to HR since this sounds like covert harassment to me. Don't think it's ridiculous - you have the right to be left in peace. Lots of red flags on your post. However, it's worth trying to talk to him first, so here are my suggestions:

If you are working: sorry Mr Loy, this is not a good moment. I'm trying to get work done

If you are not working, but also not ballsy enough to tell him to go away: sorry, I need to go ( go to the toilet or just pretend to be in a rush)

If you really want to set up boundaries anytime (recommended): thanks Mr Loy but I'm not interested

The tone in which you say things has a lot of weight though. If you can sound tired and bored of him, all the better. People who pick and harrass others typically go after people who react either hysterically or annoyed, or also after people who appear coy or shy and polite. I hope this helps.