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dear introverts, what can I answer to a needy and clingy coworker who believes not talking means something's wrong (with me), so he leaves me alone? (programming.dev)

submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by dennis5wheel@programming.dev to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

69 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I go to work to work because I need a paycheck, not to make friends.

Where I am there is a new coworker that to me acts needy (think of Slow Horses's Struan Loy), tries befriending me, but he invariably asks if everything's ok. I don't care about this person's life.

The first 2 times I didn't think anything of it, but he asks that every day and it's becoming tiring.

I feel mobbed and stalked, mobbed because he keeps insinuating there is something wrong with me just because I don't ask him about his private life and do my job, and stalked, because he is so fixated on me.

going to HR over this seems ridiculous, but I'm starting to hate his voice.

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[–] Nemo@slrpnk.net 78 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"I'm sure you're perfectly nice as a friend, but I'm not looking for a friend. I like to keep my work and private life separate, and I'll thank you to do the same around me. Don't think I dislike you; but for me, personal chat is an unwelcome distraction."

[–] snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Don't say it, send it in an email.

[–] ikidd@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Carry it printed on a sign behind your back until he pops up, then whip it out after the first question. Then walk away after he's read it, while conspicuously taking handwritten notes and looking back over your shoulder.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why in god’s name would you escalate to writing?

[–] newproph@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

so that if it escalates there is a trail of information to bring to hr. especially a good idea if this person has been around the company longer.

[–] Subtracty@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

This is the best answer. Not that you even owe them this much of an explanation. But it provides enough detail to satisfy them and succinctly tells them in corporate language to fuck right off.