this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2024
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Autism

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First date of my life I am shook I cannot believe this is real (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 months ago by _number8_@lemmy.world to c/autism@lemmy.world
21 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

i genuinely feel like my entire life and mindset have done a... at least a 90 by now, by somehow, somehow getting this hail mary pass off and setting this up. i can't believe this is real life it's very bizarre, i'm just shaking with anxiety and energy

i just feel like she'll hate me upon first sight (this was thru an app) for some reason, she'll sense the autism, she'll know i'm off and the next hour will be awkward and she'll politely say goodbye.

i mean, alternatively, it could go well, she could be cool. she seems cool which i suppose is why i did this. what is happening i cannot believe these are things that are going on in my life i feel like i was just in a major major hitting slump for 10 years, strikeout after strikeout

and then also what if she ghosts me or stands me up like in the films. what then? add it to the list of failures and try to rebuild my self image?

aghufasdf

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[–] souperk@reddthat.com 22 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Been writing an article about dating while being AuDHD. While I am not going to pretend I am some guru that is going to turn your dating experience upside down, I have a few things that have worked for me:

  1. Be open about your neurodivergency. If a person is worth it, they will be interested to know more about it, try to understand and accommodate your needs, and be charmed by your quirks.
  2. Respect your RSD. If you feel like you are receiving negative feedback don't shutdown, instead ask for clarification. If you want to do something but are afraid how it will be perceived, ask them. Unsurprisingly, people tend to appreciate the check-ins, it is perceived as you being caring.
  3. Try pebbling. It is the act of sharing things that you think the other person would appreciate. Feel free to info dump, feel free to share relevant experiences.
  4. Be meta as fuck. Explain your thought process, why you are doing something, and that train of thought that led to you saying seemingly completely irrelevant. Allistic people don't understand neurodivergence, but the right people will make the effort.
  5. Be honest. Maybe you don't feel safe to expose your date to your fully unmasked self, and that's okay. BUT, honesty can go a long way. See something you like? Turn that into a compliment! Feeling insecure? Explain that and ask for validation! Something bothers you? Ask for the appropriate accommodations!
  6. Don't try to impress the other person. Instead give your date the chance to like the real you. It's much more sustainable in the long term, you will feel more free and safe in your relationship, and it's fucking good to be appreciated.
  7. Routinize flirting. The consistency feels great for the other person, everyone needs a confidence boost and a few words of affirmation.
[–] TAYRN@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Good advice, I agree with it nearly 100%.

Out of curiosity, how much of it do you personally think is specific to neurodivergent people? Because outside of (obviously) number one, I think that's just good advice in general.

[–] TAYRN@lemmy.world 1 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

So it's been a month. Care to link to your article about dating?

[–] souperk@reddthat.com 2 points 3 weeks ago

I have procrastinated the hell out of it 😭 Thanks for reminding me though ❤️