Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Well the common example here has been brushing your teeth. Shits pretty automatic for me as part of my morning/night routine, I just do it, usually while thinking about other stuff. Same with other things like getting dressed, showering, going to the gym, making a sandwich, eating.
My teeth are all rotten because this has never been the case for me. It’s a chore that I have to actively decide to do every day, it’s a decision I have to make. There’s a phenomenon called “decision fatigue” that basically means you can only make so many decisions in a day before your brain just shuts down and refuses to make another one. Since neurodivergent people have to make more decisions and can’t rely on habits to lift decision making off of our shoulders we often hit that wall of decision fatigue and just kinda shut down.
If you add disincentives, like the fact that brushing your teeth is an inherently unpleasant thing to do, it can be very difficult to stick with it. Hence, rotten teeth and all of the associate health issues that come along with having rotten teeth.
Sorry to hear that, this is a world of difficulty I never imagined some people lived with.
This is why parents of ADHD kids have to hound them to brush their teeth even in teenage years. I won't relate my history. I'll just say it was not good.
My situation was compounded by some pretty extreme poverty. My family were basically transients in the eighties and we lived in campgrounds. So it’s not like they were taking me to the dentist when I had a toothache. I stayed in school though, and once I went to a field trip to a dentist and learned about teeth and gums, yadda yadda. Anyway when I came back to camp I asked my parents “Hey why don’t you guys ever take me to a dentist” and they straight up said “What? You got dentist money kid?”
lol. Ah. Nostalgia.
Or alternately when you tell your parents about a memory you have from growing up and they get pissy and say, "You survived".
Sucks. I'm sorry you experienced that.
Eh. It’s in the rear view. This meme is on point though. I had no idea any of that stuff was even abnormal until I hit high school and started talking about it. It’s crazy what kids will assume is normal because they don’t have outside frame of reference.
That helps. Thank you. Those things all take thought and planning for me. I have a travel toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse because I forget to brush my teeth more often that I like to admit. I've been taking an inhaler twice a day for 35 years and I forget frequently.
So, for me if I start thinking about other stuff very much while doing something like brushing my teeth, I stop doing the something. Like, literally I'll snap out of a chain of thought that I mostly don't remember ('why am I thinking about harvesting cranberries? I need to get to work!') and I'll realize I've just spent a minute or two standing still in the bathroom holding my toothbrush and toothpaste staring at nothing in particular.
If I start thinking about something mid-process I'll end up missing part. The entire process requires attention. I have to mentally label 12 areas, A-L, then count 10 seconds for each area, every single time, A 0123456789, B0123456789, C0123456789, etc.