this post was submitted on 23 Jun 2024
6 points (53.4% liked)
Asklemmy
43821 readers
1152 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
YouTube. Here. Videogames
I'm well aware relationship are work. But are also benefits. That's why I'm saying I'm not adult enough or reliable. And that isn't going to change, especially since that's the way i am. I know it's a turn off but what I'm supposed to do? Fake myself? Being social and having an interesting life ISN'T me.
Do you do those things because you truly get enjoyment out of them, or are they simply your drug of choice to help you cope through to the next day?
Those are all things that can be enjoyed in a healthy way certainly, but if it's just "wake up, work, binge internet, sleep," every day, then I'm afraid you have a problem. Maybe not a full blown addiction, but at least an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism for some deeper underlying issues.
This is something that you can work on though. Ideally with the help of a professional therapist who can help you identify why you feel the need to cope in this way and help you start breaking those destructive patterns in your life.
There's a principle in alcoholics support groups called "fake it til you make it".
Fake is a sort of meaningless word. You are the sum of your own choices, throughout your life. There is no such thing as some sort of "true" you that is inherent and unchangeable, all of your attitudes, emotions, likes/dislikes are like clothes you wear. They can be changed with a pattern of choices that fall under your overarching will.
It's not easy, though, not by a long shot. So, one technique is to fake it til you make it. Pretend at first, fake whatever trait you are trying to establish. You'll find over time your willpower turns that into the new "true you". You can change various aspects of yourself, it's all under your power.
It's a hell of a steep hill to climb alone though, so you might want some help along the way. Addiction support groups serve this purpose for people trying to get past their addictions. You might need some pharmaceutical assistance though, if you have a chronic problem, so a doctor might be a wise move.