this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2024
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Mental Health
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You have mountains of work to do if you want societies to realize that men suffer mentally too..
Can't I just have a molehill of work. I've already got a lot on my plate with no outlet.
Yes you can, any help is appreciated and welcomed 🫶
🫂
I'm rather convinced that society knows - it just does not care.
Perhaps.... but I don't wanna lose hope in humanity, so I'll blame ignorance
It doesn't matter if a lot of people care about something if they don't fight for these things to happen "society" ie the beaurcratic powers that be in different institutions will not automatically feature your issue. Inertia is more efficient for them. The reason so many minority initiatives have worked is because small but dedicated groups worked extraordinarily hard to pressure "society" to change. It's Pride month, look at that situation. The LGBTQIA is a small fraction of society, smaller back at it's Pride origins by far because a lot of people were scared out of their minds to come forward.
I understand that the instinct is to mope, to treat these problems as too big to change but that isn't healthy. What people need to remember is that just wishing or creating reasons not to try doesn't make things so. It is an unfortunate issue with straight cis men that they are not primed to organized guerilla social action. In part I think it is because there's this toxic internal expectation that someone else should be doing that work for you on your behalf. There isn't. If men want this to happen the movement has to start with men. Other people will join you and help you but they aren't going to do the basic work for you. That whole "elevate ( ____ ) voices" thing? Men could fill that space but that's the thing you have to put the work in to create the movement that treats your word as the authentic voice of the concern. Your voice needs to start that snowball effect and you need to make and start executing the plan.
Venting isn't all that useful on it's own mental health wise. Get it out of your system but add a second step. Ask yourself what you are going to do about it. Then find people in your area and organize. Be a leader of the movement or support one.
I am afraid that a lot depends on cultural context of the whole society. I don't think the context is fertile for men's activism for rights. The groups that exist are almost exclusively misogynist and conservative. I believe that a movement, even if really focused on men's issues from a general perspective (I.e. not misogynistic) would be received very poorly, will fail to develop solidarity with other groups and would be accused of stealing space to them.
Frankly, I am not convinced at all that each demographic should fight their own battles, I believe in better analyzed demands that will merge under the same front gay rights, women's rights, men's rights and so on.
I mean I exist in a very LGBTQIA+ city. My friends across the spectrum of the rainbow have expressed sentiments about how men's mental health is an issue but it is really hard to interface with it because men like to talk about it... but they seem to want to nope out of and defer spearheading an initiative. Because it's not easy. It never is easy.
Most of the LGBTQIA have a model. A group who is directly plans a thing and then the people who are adjacent show up. People generally have the spoons to make one to two issues their main. This is usually where they take the effort to spearhead the thing, be part of the committee, figure out the logistics and run the getting the word out. That issue because it is so energy intensive usually is one they feel most directly affected or endangered by... but they can make time and energy to show up for like 10 other things to do fundraising, protests or whatever because they support friends. Stuff where they just need to know where to be and what to do. That's comparitive low energy.
You could look to the LGBTQIA as help and go to like a Pride committee but generally speaking when approaching people for help you have to expect imperfection.
I see both sides. It takes enough men and women admitting there's an experience that can be improved, and both have vested interests in not improving it. Sadly, behavioral issues are shamed, rather than understood. I've known people who were sent to jails, prisons, psych wards, and the family distanced and blamed. Even those who self-harm, even self-unalive are treated with embarrassment, anger, guilt and shame.
Sure, but it's well worth doing, and can be done by many.
After all, one aspect of all this is realizing you don't have to do everything yourself!
Yes, we all need to part of the change, if my bro wants to cry, I'll hug him and tell him to cry as much as he can 🩵🤍, I was told as a kid that I shouldn't cry because I'm a man, I'm a big boy... F that. I wanna cry so much now.. I just can't.. something is not right
I was told that as a girl, so... People exploit feelings, and I get it. We need to work towards healing for those who exploit feelings, too
Yes. I'm one of the women other women resent-and usually the men who are suffering, too - because I do point it out. I'd love it if we can all come together and work towards healing our community. Or another one. You can't force people to heal.
One thing I think should definitely be put out there more loudly is that Alexithymia(emotional blindness) is likely very common among dudes. I'm mostly going off personal experience, and how I've had issues identifying my emotions, and how I've heard some dudes I've talked to straight up just say they think they don't feel things. I suspect potentially most dudes don't understand how to detect emotions outside of very intense sadness, anger, etc. and I think that they need that communicated and a path they can maybe follow.
100% agreed. Bottling things up creates exploiters of those who would show emotions.
I hope you realise that now you're fighting the patriarchy. They want us to believe that men have their shit together and women are all runny eye-makeup and hysteria. It's a big fight to pick.