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How do I start same-sex dating and romance? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by KingThrillgore@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I've been fighting off writing this for a while now. I even considered making a throwaway for it, but I guess if its too embarrassing I can delete it.

I've sorta come to accept I'm bi in recent years, and I am wondering how I should go about dating and courtship in regards to dating within my same sex (male). Especially since I find femininity to be a key attraction point. I also haven't dated or had sex in like, three years or more. Its been a while, I kinda stopped caring for myself and focused on work, I am slowly trying to become an interesting person again, get back in shape but its hard. I dunno, man. I'm in my mid-30s and I am trying to figure out what I want out of the world. There's a bit of lust involved. And I definitely need a hug at the very least.

Furthermore, I live in the Southern part of the US, and the amount of trans hate has me actively wanting out of here (I'm aiming for Colorado) and dating in this part of the Southeast is already difficult as is, in my prior experiences.

How does one navigate this kind of world after coming out? How do I deal with the stigma especially since in the states, there's a renewed interest in putting people back in the closet?

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[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

What material support are you giving to LGBT+ people in the south? Because if you aren’t personally helping solve this then it just comes off as preachy. People don’t choose to uproot themselves from their family, friends, and community in the face of increasing violence and state oppression because it just sounds fun.

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee -2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I definitely wasn't saying people change places just because it sounds fun. But I was calling into question where the line is drawn.

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

But I was calling into question where the line is drawn.

Why? Seriously, what is that contributing here? Do you think that’s changed anything about the factors that made OP consider leaving the south or helps him in any material way?

I’m not asking you to justify anything, I’m saying your comment was both unnecessary and unhelpful and instead of doing that again in the future you should reconsider.

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee -1 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I was giving my addition to the two cents everyone was giving here, nothing necessarily "necessary" about it; I relatedly did not come with any guarantee of helpfulness, and if by "unnecessary" you mean to imply it was somehow hurtful/destructive to suggest the semantics of how the Southern US ought to be rebuilt, I would've never predicted that in a hundred years. I was providing some of the thoughts I have when unwanted people like those homophobes and transphobes march on my world (and yes, I too am LGBT). It is theft. What do you do in response to said theft?

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

As a trans person who fled the south many years ago because I saw the writing on the wall, you do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. And you help the people that need it. You don’t finger wag at them for not doing enough to fix the shit driving them to flee.

[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 0 points 7 months ago

Point to what part of what I said constitutes finger wagging or accusing someone of not doing everything they might.

If so much is at stake, there would then seem to be a deeper issue at hand, one relating to the peacekeepers.