this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2024
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My whole family is this way. For the most part we all recognize that you can live your life and not communicate every day, week, or month and still be okay with a person. We are great at picking up where we left off we just all have our own lives and that's okay.
It still feels strange to me when friends contact their parents daily or weekly and say their parents etc. Get upset for not contacting them frequently enough. I understand that's the way their relationship works but maybe my family is the odd duck Lmao
I'm like that with my extended family.
In my 20s, every time I checked in, it was some drama. Uncle did this to aunt. Cousin went to jail. Dad lost something valuable.
Things I had zero ways of helping since I was hundreds of miles away.
At some point, I stopped and I became a lot happier.
There's a balance, and it'll be different for every family. Mine has gone years with no contact, while my partner is in the weekly camp. As time has gone on I've become jealous of her and her relationship to family, and wish I had something at least a little bit closer to that with mine.
But we were all so busy with our own lives that we drifted apart, only more recently coming together now that all the kids are middle aged.
It's kind of surreal getting to know someone you grew up with, and seeing how we're all so different.
for me, it's seeing how similar we are. I went low contact and moved away almost 20 years ago. getting to know my now-transmasc brother when we're both adults is wild. he's dealt with things differently, but despite 8 years age gap and 18 years not talking, we have a lot in common still.
That's great you can have that dynamic with your family and that it's healthy for all of you. I feel like it's healthy for me, but my own fam is in the category of "getting upset for not contacting them frequently enough". It's like they take it personally that I can live my life but not need to be up to date on every moment of theirs.
That said, I've found that the only progress I've made is by beginning to draw boundaries and trying to be consistent at keeping them. It's not a wonderful dynamic, but more distance has certainly made it healthier for me.