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My car doesn't do Bluetooth so I'm not familiar, but can you not just not connect it to Bluetooth if you're not using it?
There are a bunch of settings in the Android connected devices settings, maybe changing the device type would help.
If it's Android Auto, I can see that there's a toggle for notifications, but that probably just turns them off.
I'd also see if there's a way to update the software in the car. Maybe it'll improve the behavior. Or even just give up on Bluetooth music and use a separate adapter that behaves better.
In my state it is against the law to hold your phone while you're driving so I keep it connected by bluetooth for calls. It's not a problem when I'm listening to music or podcasts which I frequently do. It's only an issue when I'm not listening to anything. I've looked into updating the car's software but it's already on the most current version.